Love in Memories – Note One

I spontaneously wrote this a few days ago in 20 minutes. I didn’t want to edit, because I wanted to just pour my thoughts out, and leave it the way it turned out. I decided to share it and I hope to share for notes from it as I continue exploring this topic.

Title: Love in memories

 

A ripping pain overflows your veins, while you sit alone in agony. Reminiscing the fruitful moments and the lavishing gifts you once possessed.

 Where did all go?

You blame yourself for the present outcome. The guilt of what you lost, and where you could be right now does not leave your mind. It hurts, it strikes the deepest sorrow in your soul.

Where are you now?

Everything is empty and the world doesn’t make sense. The place where you are sitting is where everything will come together.

How will you move forward?

There is no clear starting point, but you can begin to gather leftover,s of any will you have to live. This is how you will resurface – or so you think – but all you have left to do is decide whether or not it’s worth moving forward.

You affirm to yourself that it doesn’t end here, but you have nothing around, except yourself. Where are you catching the inspiration from? There is one thing that you didn’t think you could count on, and that is your memories. You believe all the memories you have serve no purpose, because all you want to remember are the bad memories. There is one thing you overlooked and that is the love that you can find in them.

 

 

<3<3<3 Love, Ellie <3<3<3

My mind, the land of ruckus

Sometimes I look up at the stars and imagine living in world outside our planet. The galactic imagery is suddenly crashed by the ups and down of my life; also known as, being hit by reality. Is it because I have the mind of a writer that I think my life evolves as the like of stories? It gets overwhelming and it’s worse when you have people constantly putting you down. You get one chance at life, just one life and if you’re lucky you live up to 100. What legacy am I going to leave? Why can’t some people believe in me and influence me in a positive manner? Why does it affect me? Does this happen to you?

prc

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

 

It’s been a while…

…a long time since we have last spoken. Well, since you last read any new entries. A lot has happened since last summer; heartbreaks, chapters that have been since closed. I have been preocuppied with work and finishing my novel and poetry book – yes those are still a reality. I told you I would never give up :D! Here’s to say I’m sorry for not updating in a while and I hope you’re looking forward to my new entries. In the meantime, here are some new photos I’ve taken and also follow me on my instagram and comment :D! My instagram: worldruler007

 

There is no Valentine’s Day on Mars

If you’ve ever wanted to leave the planet, no matter what, then join my just-made-up club. I have nothing against people celebrating love, birthdays, achievements, randomness. What I am against is people following trends, making others feel obliged to spend money on junk, therefore losing meaning of what lies underneath its original purpose.

Oh, but here’s the plot twist. The original intend of Valentine’s day was filled with a Pagan tradition, involving slapping women with the remains of dead animals, in order to bestow fertility upon them. How romantic!  And while we certainly do not follow such traditions (thank goodness), we still support the desire of making ourselves feel better by following trends we would’ve never followed, and thus unknowingly partake in a tradition that when you read about it, makes you feel nauseated  . Here’s a hint: 50 Shades (shames) of Grey.

Are you aware of what you are supporting, ladies and gentlemen? Society reminds us of evolving, of becoming more accepting without the use of violence. How on earth are we supposed to do this, if there is such hypocrisy in society?

Now, nobody really knows for sure when all this Valentine’s Day phenomenon started. But, they say it could’ve also started with Saint Valentine, who was a priest who performed weddings behind the Emperor’s back. He was caught, arrested, and sentenced to death. History tells us, the newly-weds would send gifts to his cell and before he was to be executed, he sent one of them a letter signed by, “Your Valentine.” Then, a tradition was born. And in today’s society, that tradition is DEAD. Absolutely, DEAD. If there is anything more than DEAD…you get my point. Okay, I did exaggerate, because not everyone has managed to bludgeon the real meaning of this tradition. It is not just about love, but it is about gratitude, understanding, and sacrifice.

It is a sad world we live in, when you see people getting all worked up about not finding the perfect gift. How about YOU being the perfect gift? How about your loved one being the perfect gift? Or your HEALTHY LIFE being a gift? If you feel the need to go out to the store before they close just find a last minute card for your significant other, then something isn’t going the right way.

So, what if you don’t get a card along with the flowers. Is your loved one going to kill you? Can’t you just make everyday of your lives, about love? Isn’t that the point of a relationship AND friendship? Is it that important to find a $5,000 ring to propose? You’re PROPOSING, you’re being PROPOSED to. Isn’t that a gift? Isn’t that love?

Yes, celebrate Valentine’s Day, celebrate everyday, but without forgetting your layers in your relationships and friendships. Because, the moment you start loving someone (romantic or not), you sacrifice your selfishness, and THAT is a gift.

That’s why it sounds so soothing the fact there is no Valentine’s Day on Mars. Because, life there could be raw for us.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Your motivation should come from within

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (yes, I do think). I’ve been trying to find motivation elsewhere, but I have come to the conclusion that one should find it from within. Sure, you have family, friends, a significant other who inspire you everyday, but if you don’t succeed as an individual and live based on your own happiness, you’ll feel alone when others are not there to inspire you.

What am I living for? If I don’t start living for myself and then for others, I find I get down, because I’m not focusing on why I’m here and why I do the things I do. I started writing to heal from all the struggles in life, and I have lost that essence along the way, trying to please others without stopping to think about what makes me happy.

I haven’t diverted from my path too far, but it’s been a huge help going back to the main purpose. My main goal is to help others find themselves through my writing. The thing is, I can’t do that if I don’t remind myself of who I am.

I set a goal for this month; to focus on poetry and fitness. I keep trying to find motivation elsewhere, when I should be looking for it in the things I love to do. The key is not only to be happy, but to also be fulfilled.

Hopefully what I just said makes sense :p. I’m not even going to edit this post.

 

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Do you have a pen name?

Here’s an interesting article about how famous authors chose their pen names: http://mentalfloss.com/article/51195/how-8-famous-writers-chose-their-pen-names

I know J.K. Rowling had to choose that pen name to target the boy audience, but I will not going to hide the fact I’m a woman, so others will read my work and enjoy it. So, everyone will just have to accept the fact I, a woman, wrote the novel I intend to publish :p.

I went through so many options in the past few years, and not a single pen name came to fruition. I’ve always known that I wouldn’t use my legal name, because writing is a different adventure for me. My pen name is: Ellie Maria Acacia

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Do you have one? 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Inspirational – A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge letter: i

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Inspirational

This is why I created this blog. I want to pass on the inspiration and help others feel worthy. The only reason I am who I am today is because of all the people who have inspired me since birth. I am not 100% positive all the time, I cry, I laugh, I love, I grief, but I am at a point in my life where I do want to strive to regain all hopes and help others overcome their own fears. It’s easy to dwell in sadness, believe me, to this day I still grieve the loss of my grandparents, the constant trips my dad took during my childhood, the heartbreaks, the lost friendships, my pet hamster, and other struggles I have faced. But, that is all the negative side, and I remember the positive time that created a great balance during my life. For every despair, there were lots of loved ones who showed their genuine support, and friends who were straight forward when I needed them to be.

It is a hard battle to remain positive, but it is not impossible to win. There will always be negative moments to try to keep me down, because that’s exactly what negativity does. I am strong, but sometimes I lack the confidence to believe I am very strong. It happens, right? It is tempting to blame yourself for misery, but if you dwell in it for long, you begin to believe it. Don’t we all want to feel good? Live a happy life? I know I do, and I will keep fighting for my own happiness, even if there are others who will try to tear me down. You should do this, as well. Be happy and confident about who you are, and help others through your anecdotes.

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Masks

We all the ability to hide secrets and express both, physically and emotionally, who we really are. We have 2 masks; one that covers our soul, and the other that covers our physique. Our comfort with locking our feelings and ambitions are reflected on these masks. We’re in control of what we perceive as assumptions of what others may want to find out about us. This prevents us from sharing what they want to know; just us, and the fact we don’t live where the grass the greener.

There are times when we are comfortable sharing what’s behind our masks, but once we find the right person to share it with, it becomes easier to unveil our true self. One must remember, those who who came into your life to bring out the best in you, have already unveiled your mystery, not because they secretly dug out your locked memories, but because you (unaware of it) opened up to them. They stay by your side, because they accept who you are, and because they also wear these masks. Wearing these masks shouldn’t be visible to anyone but you, but what needs to be visible are your experiences behind them. It is easy to filter our approaches and thoughts, but it takes a master to represent ourselves naturally.

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Is love too much to ask for?

The world’s lack of true love perforates my mind and soul. Have we become hermits from the fear of loving endlessly, or have we been too damaged that we’ve given up on love? 

Perhaps it is our desire to love, not because we want all the love for ourselves, but because we’re selfless. We become excited at the idea of sharing our passions, thoughts, and struggles, that we become blind to those who will end up inflicting pain, and shattering our hearts into a million pieces. How long can one withstand glueing these fallen pieces, until one collapses in despair, wishing for love to disappear?

What is it that scares people away? Is it that one is perhaps too good, it becomes intimidating? Or do they fear, they’ll give up their own desires? Is it that they/we are afraid of a perfect world; here there’s no wrongdoing, where there’s no pain, where there’s no despair?

These questions shouldn’t even be asked. But there’s hope, we’ll all find the love we’re looking for; romance, friendship, family, nature, the universe. 

Fear should not be in the same place as love, and love shouldn’t replace your past, present, and future. It is what helps us stick together, it is a band of unity and comfort that’s there to remind us, we mean something to someone, or that we mean good for someone or something. It shouldn’t be hard to love, and it should be simple to take a leap of faith. It becomes tiring wishing, praying, hoping that the love we share will reciprocate. 

Is love too much to ask for? Is an answer too much to hope for? 

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