I was roaming the lands of Rivendell, when I noticed my Ipod was not charging properly (because everyone knows elves need their ipods); I figured it was the USB charger. I hopped on my pretend horse and rode to the mines of Moria in hopes of finding the exact same one. Apparently, the dwarves struck gold by the other side of the mountains, so I did not get a chance to make business with them. I could have dealt with the Balrog, but he was covered in flames, and I didn’t feel like getting a tan. After careful consideration, I decided to move onto the filthy lands of Mordor…
“But, Ellie, whatever do you mean? Why do you dare to go to those nasty lands?”
I know, but hear me first. I was in a hurry and I heard their products are high quality. Besides, I needed to do a bit of digging into their lives in order to build my army; this was my chance.
As soon as I arrived, I was welcomed like a threat; I had swords pointed at me, arrows shot by my side, and at least a hundred insults thrown at me by The Eye of Sauron. Did I care? Not really. I just wanted to get my charger so I could listen to my music. Surprisingly, these stenchy creatures understood and sold me the charger. But, they threatened me with war (as usual).
I rode back home to Rivendell with a glorious grin on my face, ready to charge my Ipod. What happened next? Well, the box was empty!!!!! I should have known not to make business with those orcses.
I packed my lembas bread and rode back to Mordor. I was fuming inside, but I smiled because I did not want to cause a riot (I was saving my energy for the war). I showed them the empty box and they tried to get me a new one, but turns out they didn’t have anymore in their supplies. I thought I had lost my well spent gold, when they offered to return the gold I paid with. I was astonished at their offer, and I took it in a jiff.
Oh, and now I have to go talk to Elrond during our Fellowship meeting, because Sauron reminded me of the pending war. I will not hear the end of this from Boromir (hey, in my defense, I RODE into Mordor).