Well, good-bye early 20’s

I turned 26 last year and it felt like nothing happened. For a while, I’ve felt like I never grew out of my early 20’s…Sadly, age has begun to catch up to me and I’m starting to feel…old…okay fine, I’m being overly dramatic :p. I have to say here are few things that are not helping me come to terms with the fact I’m turning 27 in a couple of months:

1) I used to be able to stay awake at night during an entire movie. Now, not so much. I attempted to watch The Amazing Spider Man and passed out half-way through. Oh yea, I’m the life of the party.

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2) Sometimes, I just don’t care what I wear to bed, as long as I get to sleep. Yoga pants look good enough when my eyes won’t stay awake. Keep in mind, this only happens during non-stressful days.

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 3) I know I’m getting old when I forget things more often than my mom!

 Me:”Ohhhhh!! I gotta tell you! I saw…”

Mom: “yeah, you told me about that.”

Me: “hm, no I didn’t”

Mom: “yea, you did. You’re getting old :p!”

4) You think that’s bad? What if I told you I’m starting to pass up the chance to get rid of spiders, just because I’m too tired to try? Seriously, if that doesn’t scream ‘old,’ I don’t know what does…Spiders are rejoicing everywhere.

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5) I went to bed at 9 pm the other night, and I didn’t have to wake up early the next day…

In all fairness to my age, work has been hectic lately, so maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired. However, let’s pretend it’s because I’m too tired from fighting Orcs, and building a time machine that will take me back in time to romance Robert Downey Jr.

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

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Have you ever experienced Sleep Paralysis?

According to wikipedia: Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience an inability to move.

If you have ever experienced sleep paralysis, you know it feels like a force trying to pull you to the depths of hell. Everyone goes through different emotions and feelings, but here are a few things that you may have experienced before. If you have never experience this, consider yourself lucky :).

 

-The feeling is basically like this: you fall asleep and it feels like within a second you’re awake again. However, there is a plot twist: you may be awake, but your body is numb. Yes, you’re frozen, except you don’t feel cold (nor hot).

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-I’ve gotten better at sleeping with the lights off, but a while ago I had to have some sort of light source. When you are under sleep paralysis and your lights are off, you feel like you just died (no joke). If you have your lights on, at least you know you’re alive, because you see something that’s familiar. It makes a difference to your sanity.

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-Now that you are aware you are under a paralysis, it just gets worse. The dreadful feeling of being hunted by a demonic beast begins to cover every inch of your body, making your heart palpitate and begging the angels to stop the fear. Oh, and did I mention you can’t move at all? Oh yes, I did. No matter how hard you try to move, it feels like your soul has left your body and no matter how hard you try to touch something, you can’t.

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-All you have left is your will to survive, but now that’s starting to fade away as you begin to hallucinate. Oh no, we’re not talking about fairies, unicorns, or leprechauns saving the day, we’re talking shadows, ghosts, evil laughter, you name it. It’s like one of those dreams where you run, but you can’t get away from whoever is chasing you…

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-…because when you’re under sleep paralysis, the evil beings DO catch up to you. Sometimes, you’ll feel someone tickling or clawing you. Again, you can’t do anything but scream in your mind. It feels as though all your bad karma is sitting on your chest trying to kill you. You feel like you’re not breathing, but you really are, it just feels that way.

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-Solution? What I found works for me is as soon as I’m aware of what’s going on, I just try to relax as much as possible. You don’t know when it’s over until you fall asleep and wake up again, but it really doesn’t last as long you think it does. Like I said, it’s different for everyone. Sometimes you’ll hallucinate and see a shadow standing by your door creeping at you (scary stuff), sometimes you’ll feel violated by some dark being, or you’ll just stay still trying to touch things around you. It also helps if you’re stress-free before bedtime.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Daily Prompt: Night owl -I flew today

Daily Post asks:  Are you a night owl or are you the early bird? What’s your most productive time of day? When do you do your best work?

Peter Pan and Tinker Bell visited me this morning and took me on an adventure of a lifetime. I got to fly all over Ontario! Yea, right… But, I did fly today. I flew out of my bed thinking I slept in – I didn’t. I dislike moments like those.

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I set two alarms, each one is 15 minutes apart from each other. I do this to avoid sleeping in. It depends on the day and what I have to do – on my days off, I rely on my body clock. My first alarm for today was set for 6 am and my second for 6:30. I did this, so I could take time to clean my room before I went to work (I like to come to a clean place). I wake up fast in the morning, except for my days off. I’m not much of a morning person, which is the reason I make sure I wake up early, and then walk to work. I don’t drink coffee, so my routine is probably a bit more different than others :p.

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My alarm went off at 6 and I immediately thought I had slept in. I jumped out of bed while my heart palpitated and then, I realized I didn’t sleep in, and I had woken when I precisely meant to. Well, the scare helped me awaken faster than usual :p. I can do my best work at any time during the day, but I definitely love my evenings.

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Through the eyes of my childhood: Chapter Two: La Hyper Girl

I started these series in order to remind myself of who I used to be, in comparison to who I am today. Here’s part one if you want to follow: Through the eyes of my childhood: Chapter One – Hiding

 

La Hyper girl

I was a hyper child and always ready to go. I think my parents would’ve made great marathon runners from chasing me all over the place ( I even learned how to walk trying to chase my dad). Then again, in my defence, my two grandfathers were athletes and so was my mum, so it was in my blood. Even though, the energy of a hundred suns combined ran through my body, I managed to sleep through the entire night, which is something my parents were incredibly grateful for. Nevertheless, I  could not be left with anyone but my parents or grandparents, without crying. No one ever knew why, but I like to theorize that it’s because I’m naturally sensitive.

One night my parents decided to go out and my aunt (dad’s sister) offered to babysit –if I had a time machine, I would go back and warn her not to. Despite my parents’ concerns about me throwing a fit, my aunt encouraged them to go out and have  fun (she was only trying to be nice, oh poor auntie!) ; little did she know, she was in for quite the night. They left me asleep, but as soon as they left, guess what happened? Yup,  I woke up and started crying (did I somehow managed to install surveillance cameras in my crib?). My aunt tried to calm me, and reassured me it was all going to be fine (because, in a moment of desperation your brain tells you this is logical), but nothing worked. She was smart (and desperate to shut me up), and resorted to digging through the hamper to get my parents’ shirts (so gross,poor aunt), and placed them next to me. It worked! I fell right asleep – sneaky aunt, how you fooled  me! Having had the odd feeling that something awful happened, my parents cut the night short and returned home early. As soon as she saw them, my aunt ran away in tears…nah, just kidding, but she was exhausted. After that night, my mum never left me with anyone, but my grandparents.

To this day, I’m still a hyper woman. It’s helped, though. There are a lot of things I would not have achieved had I not been hyper. However, my friends don’t let me drink coffee when I’m with them (can’t blame them), not because they don’t want me to, but can you imagine what I’d be like with caffeine running through me? I’d say like a rabid raccoon with a splinter in its tongue, trying to escape the gates of hell. I like to joke with them and tell them my steamy cup has coffee in it :p (it’s just peppermint tea). But, this is who I am. I like to enjoy life, heck I like to hate life sometimes, too. I’m not a robot on a happy mode 24/7, but I try to be. I break, I feel, I cry, I panic, I get anxious, but I’ve been in a lot of dark places in the past that I don’t want to go there again. I get bored, but somehow I manage to find something fun to do. I’m still sensitive, and I don’t know, but it’s like I can sense people. No, I don’t have magical powers or have a sixth sense, but I listen to my instincts a lot. If something or someone doesn’t feel right, I don’t accept it. I don’t cry when people approach me or when my relatives visit me –I cry when they leave, though.

This is who I am, and there are things that are just part of me. I never stopped being that baby and child, I just grew alongside them.

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Yup, I’m wearing a wig and sunglasses in this baby pic :p

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Daily Prompt: The Great Pretender

You can read the daily prompt, right HERE.

They ask: Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it. (https://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/prompt-the-great-pretender/)

I confess! I am confident most of the time, like today for example. I’m confident I’ll be tired, because my brain woke me up earlier than usual and did not let me go back to sleep. Consequently, I am confident I’ll be upset at my brain for the rest of the day – perhaps, forever. When I look into the mirror, I am confident, I look good, but not in a conceited way. But, then I look again and change my mind – the outfit wasn’t my best choice, my face looks different – what if I get wrinkles this year? I’m only 26. Thereupon, I get over it, I snap out of it. I remind myself that many people have no clothes to wear, so many people have illnesses, and here I am giving myself unnecessary heartache due to my sudden lack of confidence. I just can’t go there. I refuse to.

I am confident I will pick the right tea for tonight. I am not confident I’ll feel like eating chicken tomorrow. I am confident I won’t waste food and only buy what I need. I am grateful I can choose what I’m going to eat, and can satisfy my cravings. I am confident one day, if I’m to regain some sort of power, I will make sure those who can’t, can eat what they couldn’t.

I have my dream job, I am happy, I know I can do better each day, and I am confident I will succeed. Yes, of course sometimes when I fail, I tell myself I have failed in life; that I should bury myself under my bed sheets, and rock back and forth until an angel comes to my rescue. And then the angel will become flesh and we’ll marry and live in eternal happiness. I’m confident that won’t happen in its entirety (you know which part that is).

But, I am confident I will regain my confidence when I lack of it. Nobody is a failure, and nobody should think that of themselves. It doesn’t mean I won’t at some point, but we are all dealt different cards in life and therefore, have different strategies that we use to face our reality.

I am confident this prompt question SHOULD be asked to ourselves when we feel we have failed. I am thankful they asked it. I’m confident they have initiated a change towards goodness amongst other writers. I am confident they have inspired.

Listen to yourself, and not others. As long as you’re not hurting others or yourself, you’re free to fly into the world as you please, and with confidence.

Sleep

I fade into dreamland
Without a waking hour
To unlimited thoughts
Of lucid perspective.
~
I ask and feel
And terrors are near
But I hurl changes
With positive intention.
~
Indifferent to realities
Or brave to such truth
Aware of my interactions
With inability to transport.
~
For a moment I peek
Outside the dream realm
It is dull
It is emotionless
Until I fade once again.

Some of my favourite apps

“What? Just ‘some’? You’re a tease.” Yup, I am :D. Here are SOME of my favourite apps. Feel free (they’re literally free) to give them a try! But do so at your own risk. If you end up regretting it, it’s not my fault ;). You can download them on the App Store (Apple) by doing a search and installing.

Social Media:

1) Facebook (now it’s easier to stalk your friends): You can choose to save your password if you want. It’s simple to use and navigate. It’s also convenient if you don’t want to bring your laptop to your bed. I’ve had it for months now and have only experienced minor problems. For example, there have been times when the News Feed wouldn’t load, but a restart of the app would fix it.

2) Pinterest (a.k.a the app you forget you have): I recently created an account on Pinterest and I like it. I’m not sure I’m in love with it,because I forget I have an account all the time. I can see myself using it a lot, whenever I get in a fight with my laptop, though. I’m going to say one thing, it is awesome to have when you need your quick daily dose of Robert Downey Jr and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Language:

1) Duolingo (learning a new language is hard, and so is remembering this name!): I LOVE this app. It is a FREE tool where you can learn a new language. It is a lot of fun, you basically get so into it, you forget you’re learning. I’m learning French now, because I’d like to buy their amazing wine while speaking french, and its grammar is similar to Spanish (I’m fluent). You can also use your built-in microphone for some of the exercises. It’s great practice before you take your skills out in the real world, so you don’t make a fool of myself with the pronunciation. It won’t let you pass if you mispronounce. Hopefully, I will learn fast, or else my French ancestors will come to haunt me.

Games:

1) The Hobbit: Kingdoms of Middle-Earth: Wait, you thought I was going to say ‘Angry Birds’? Yes, I play the game, but it’s not a game I love (this is a list of MY favourite apps, after all). The Hobbit, however, is so amazing, it’s going to be my Valentine’s Day date! That’s how much I love it. It’s a world where you create your own cities, battle orcs (basically retail customers, but more stinky), and gain virtual rewards. I only have one city, but I’m building my own army! It’s great to pass the time, and very addicting. It is free, but if you want to speed things up, you can purchase ‘Mithril’ with REAL money. I don’t buy Mithril, I need to buy real food to live.

Health:

1) 7-minute workout (when it’s too cold to go to the gym): Snowstorm hits! Oh my goodness, how am I going to get to the gym?  Well, you won’t. You’ll use this app to replace your time at the gym (don’t fully replace it, remember you paid for your gym membership). It’s an awesome way to keep active inside your home, when the ice apocalypse prevents you from leaving it. You can do 1 or up to 5 circuits. It’s only 7 minutes! Anyone can do it. I even use it while I watch movies!

2) Nike Training and Running (when 7 minutes is too easy): They’re 2 separate apps, but it is great when you want to challenge yourself. You can download awesome 30-minute workouts. They also have videos linked to it, explaining the different moves. No more excuses! And this is coming from me, the queen of “how am I supposed to workout if I can’t even get to the gym?”

3) Sleep Cycle (a slow way to interrupt your dream with Leo DiCaprio): It’s a smart alarm that stalks you during the night, and determines (by your movements) when it’s a good time to wake up. It is an awesome app. I feel well rested after I wake up. You can even use nature sounds to fall asleep, and your own music to wake up to (pick Enya!). You can change the time phases, too. The most recommended one is 30 minutes. It means, the app will pick the best time to wake you up, within the time to set the alarm. Ever since I’ve used it, I’ve been able to say goodbye to Iron Man during our battle to save the world (he knows now when I’m about to wake up). It’s like Inception, but with your own cliffhanger.

4) Lumosity (your brain wants to be fit, don’t ignore it): This is also one of the apps I’ve recently added. It basically trains your brain using different mind games. You can play on your computer, as well. It is free, but if you want more features, you can buy a membership. I’m getting so much better at the games, it’s incredible! Whether it will work in the long run, I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know!

Movies:

1) Netflix (because TV sucks): No commercials, lots of shows and movies, you can pause and resume whenever you want. That’s it.

Writing:

1) Dictionary.com app (for brain farts/tantrums): Easy access to thousands of words. For an extra charge, you can upgrade to more dictionaries (they gotta make a profit somewhere)

2) WordPress: he he he

 

250744_10150928604318480_677399575_n^^^ Here’s a picture of a penguin trying to hypnotize you.

Of course! The world doesn’t rule me today!

 

In your sleep

You break free from all worries

entitled to build a new path

through dry leaves and rich sunlight

climb high to reach the Heavens

in your sleep.

~

You wash ashore the anguish

the one that triumphed in your waking moments

and follow its dissipation down the streams

in your sleep.

~

You let go and float with the flowers

dancing with their blossomed petals

inhaling a fresh scent of beauty and breeze

in your sleep.

~

No storms, no floods, no destruction

unless you let it be

you are free to spread your wings and fly

knowing you will not lose your way

in your sleep

Image

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.

Brain Tantrums: Like a brain fart, but uncontrollable – Part One (because I’m sure there will be more)

Brain Farts, we’ve all had them. In my case, when that happens, I find to be more apologetic than ashamed. Yes, I’m still ashamed, but I find that quite often, I acknowledge my error, learn from it, and move on…that is until my brain decides to throw a Brain Tantrum. Now, this is where it gets uncontrollable. Why? Because, as much as I would like to move on from this (mind you, already forgiven) error, my brain finds the need to constantly remind me of it, to be point where I feel below any failure. Am I confusing this with guilt? Not at all. I feel sorry, but not guilty. I JUST want to move on from this error, and turn it into a learning experience. I want to bury it and do a penguin dance over it. But, no way! My brain will never let me move on. Instead, it pounds on my head, until it gets what it wants. It wants to see me (or feel me, I guess), curled up in a ball, rocking back and a forth, in a dark and spider-web-infested corner, until there is nothing left in my soul, but a catastrophe of shame.

Wait for it! Just when I think my brain has cooled off, after a time-out (meaning no LOTR, Harry Potter, Glee, or a marathon of the tv series Charmed), it digs deeper until it finds the weakest point…NOSTALGIA.

Why would my brain do this? It went from a brain tantrum to a brain masochist. I’m sure I’m not the only one, whose brain decides to play this error scenario, over and over, until one loses 98% of a good night’s sleep. Fine, make that 99.9%. And just when you thought you had finally fallen asleep, it wakes you up, ten minutes before you alarm goes off, and reminds you of the worst times of your life. Remember that song you used to listen to with your grandparents, friends, family? Oh yes, it will play in your head until tears pour down and soak your bed. Then, because this happens while you are still half asleep, you’ll wake up thinking you wet your bed. But, you’ll notice it was simply the mark of anguish left by your brain (as if a girl sleeping during her period wasn’t disgusting enough).

Oh dear brain, please stop reminding me of the dreadful experiences in my life. What happened, to “leaving the past behind”? Has this turned into, “leaving the past behind, until your brain turns around and shoves it in your face”?

Of course! The world still rules me…but with I will avenge with happy thoughts 😀

 

 

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.