New Poem: Solace

Here’s a new poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Photo taken by me 🙂

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Solace

My solace is plague by the noise of your continuous lies ,

And in the prison they have locked me in,

I am consumed by my will to let your memory vanish.

Until they flood me with thoughts of unrealistic promises.

~~~

It rushes through my veins,

How can it be so empty?

when the burden feels so heavy.

How am I letting you divert me from where I was going?

~~~

Am I trapped between two guardians?

Or Am I trapped between two traitors?

I hold my arms out to stop them,

but they had already stepped back twice…Why?

~~~

Is my bidding done,  or am I being held like a puppet?

Jumping through hoops,

falling on rocks,

There are no saviours, just two destroyers.

~~~

Follow me on instagram: @worldruler007

 

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Love in Memories – Note One

I spontaneously wrote this a few days ago in 20 minutes. I didn’t want to edit, because I wanted to just pour my thoughts out, and leave it the way it turned out. I decided to share it and I hope to share for notes from it as I continue exploring this topic.

Title: Love in memories

 

A ripping pain overflows your veins, while you sit alone in agony. Reminiscing the fruitful moments and the lavishing gifts you once possessed.

 Where did all go?

You blame yourself for the present outcome. The guilt of what you lost, and where you could be right now does not leave your mind. It hurts, it strikes the deepest sorrow in your soul.

Where are you now?

Everything is empty and the world doesn’t make sense. The place where you are sitting is where everything will come together.

How will you move forward?

There is no clear starting point, but you can begin to gather leftover,s of any will you have to live. This is how you will resurface – or so you think – but all you have left to do is decide whether or not it’s worth moving forward.

You affirm to yourself that it doesn’t end here, but you have nothing around, except yourself. Where are you catching the inspiration from? There is one thing that you didn’t think you could count on, and that is your memories. You believe all the memories you have serve no purpose, because all you want to remember are the bad memories. There is one thing you overlooked and that is the love that you can find in them.

 

 

<3<3<3 Love, Ellie <3<3<3

My latest Poem: “Reaching for the tallest branch”

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The words disperse,

and her heart rapidly beats;

as she reaches for the tallest branch.

~~~

It’s not that it is unknown,

it is that she realizes what she once dreamed about

became her present reality.

~~~

The touch, the unbroken promises,

and the assurance that they are whole. 

She exhales, she hopes,

as she reaches for the tallest branch.

~~~

The denial that absorbs her insecurities,

she knows in her mind she will fall again,

what can reassure her?

Just herself, as she reaches for the tallest branch.

~~~

and the fear of freeing her patched up heart. 

~~~

An apparition that signifies the start of a journey,

that is freeing her patched up heart.

After many failed attempts at healing damaged chapters.

What, if anything, is left for her to give? 

~~~

An unfair question to herself.

~~~

It is this moment when she becomes aware,

that everything she is has never left

and the emotional beating was the wall she created.

~~~

What now?

~~~

She once looked in the mirror, in a dream, as an elder.

She faced fear, regret, everything she didn’t want to become.

It haunted her, until she set on to stop it from being her reality.

~~~

She lets go,

she opens up,

she loves again.

She reaches the tallest branch.

<3<3<3 Love, Ellie <3<3<3

 

Last Memory

A poem I wrote tonight. Photo is a painting I made. Enjoy 🙂

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In all the times you were gone

I searched where you weren’t existent

unaware of your presence, where,

our known emotions had gathered.

~~~

In a happenstance your feelings came to fruition;

Why were you hiding? Why so afraid?

At my awareness, your retraction, and my bemuse reaction,

all we said were stares.

~~~

If going back to what we were, became the intention;

Why the silence? Why the smile?

What we chose once was the place you distanced from.

I stuck and waited, with denial as my saviour. 

~~~

There are no more words that can vanish what hurt,

but that one action healed what I never thought was possible.

And it replayed in my mind; 

the smiles, the songs, the rhythm of our nights.

 

What I have learned in the month of July

I decided that July was going to be a month dedicated to myself. I wasn’t selfish, but I just needed time to focus on who I am. These are some of the things I’ve learned:

1) I have a connection with Poetry. I’ve written poems since I was little, but last month made me realize that I would love to introduce myself to the publishing world through them. So, as I mentioned before, I’m going to submit poems to writing magazines. Wish me luck!

2) I need to buy a new pair of runners. I walk a lot and I love it, but that also means I go through runners a little more often than I would want. I’ve done the whole investing into a good pair, but they still get worn out, so no more (my wallet thanks me for this).

3) Robert Downey Jr is having a baby girl, which crushes any hopes of me marrying him (you know, because before I totally had a chance). Still, I’m happy for him and his wife 😀

4) Drivers on a rush annoy me. If you’re on a rush, then next time get up early. But, I hate it when it’s my turn to cross and the guy is too eager to turn around the curve that I feel s/he is about to run me over. Just wait a few seconds, it’s better than spending the rest of your life rotting in jail.

5) I still love Netflix. I’m currently watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!

6) Going to the library pays off. If you have a library card, you can get access to Hoopla, which is kind of like a discount Netflix. It’s free and you can find movies to borrow online! You get 10 titles per month. I love it, because I can watch Audrey Hepburn movies :). Here’s the link: https://www.hoopladigital.com/

7) I watched The Diary of Anne Frank after many years, and I have found a new hero. She was so positive in the middle of a dark time.

8) I added a new snowglobe to my collection. I love snowglobes and music boxes. When I was little I used to open my heart-shaped music box whenever I felt sad. My grandma used to have one, too. I guess they’re sentimental values to me.

9) My birthday is approaching and it’s a bit bittersweet for me. It was on my 20th birthday when I last spoke to my grandma; she had a stroke two days later. It’s been almost 7 years and it still feels like yesterday. My birthday is on August 30th, and I’m turning 27.

10) Only 40 days until my trip to South America :), which means I’ll be posting A LOT.

11) I need to get a new planner. I use my ipod to make notes, but sometimes technology is not on my side, so from now on, I would like to organize my activities on solid paper.

12) I love Rose and Red wine. I’m not a drinker, but I do like to indulge in a glass of wine once in a while. Funny enough, Rose has more effect on me than Red. Weird, eh?

I suggest dedicating a month to yourself, it really helps. Most of my life, I’ve done things for others, but I don’t always focus on myself. It doesn’t mean you have to be selfish, it just means you should focus on doing more things for yourself. Perhaps, treat yourself to a spa day, or finishing your novel, etc. I haven’t touched mine during this month, but I’m going back to working on it.

Remember, you have to be happy with yourself before you can help others to be happy.

 

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Submission Bravery

Are you going to try to get published, soon? Get your bow, arrow and shield ready to deflect the approaching rejection letters. But, that’s not a bad thing.

I’ve mentioned before about my poem submissions in September, and I have not changed my mind. They say,  “No writer gets published without a few letters of rejection.” Actually, I say that, but that’s not the point.

I know there is a big chance of my poems getting USB-zoned, but what do I have to lose? They’ll say no, so I’ll just keep trying. If you are dreading this, do not feel discouraged. You have to remember that not everyone will like your work, not everyone will like you. We are all different, and like many things. However, if you don’t try, you may be depriving a reader from your wisdom.

My goal is to help others realize their potential. This blog can hopefully do that in the meantime (you know, with all my randomness), but if I don’t try, it may be late for some people. So, I’m here to tell you that no matter how bad you think you write, or if you think you have nothing to share, go for it! Each day is a new world, and presents a new opportunity. Who knows, I’ll probably get enough rejection letters to make a wallpaper (the ones that go on your bedroom wall) out of them, but hey! At least, I get to do something with them. So, submit your work, and be happy. It’s that, or I’ll use my puppy eyes to convince you to do it (which will most likely give you nightmares, so your choice :p).

Savour the moment, and reach on.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

I care too much…

This past month I’ve dedicated everyday to myself, to figure out who I am. I’ve discovered that I care too much. Is that a problem?

I’ve been M,I,A, on WordPress, because I wanted to know if I was making the right decision to eventually, make writing a full-time job. After a few cups of red wine and interactions, I have concluded that this is my passion and the reason I struggle overall is because I care too much. But, this isn’t a problem, because it is who I am.

I am the kind of person who has stuffed animals in her room and doesn’t care what others think. I am the kind of person who cares about ants. There were two ants chasing each other (or about to mate) nearby today, and I cared. I moved away so they can run freely, and that’s okay. If people laugh at me because of that, then screw them. My real friends do not do that. My real friends encourage me, laugh with me, understand me. I care a lot, and I do not intend to apologize, because it is not a bad thing.

Everything around me affects me; perhaps, because I am an Empath (whether you believe it or not). All these plane crashes that have happened lately have affected me. I wonder what those innocent people went through, why the world can be so cruel. I grieve alongside their family in Spirit, even though I don’t know them. But, I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love. How waking up everyday without that person can be a living hell. The pain can come in waves; sometimes you laugh at the silly things they did, and other times you weep at the thought you’ll miss hearing their voice. I cry for them, it affects me more than I want it to, but I pray for them. I am the kind of person who struggles with their Faith. I’m set in stone, but I, too, wonder why and how. But, I believe. That’s who I am. I don’t want to change.

I thought if I didn’t care so much, I’d be better, I’d understand myself a bit more, but that’s not possible. Caring is what makes me whole. Writing and sharing my thoughts is what compliments me. People have hurt me, loved ones have betrayed me, but in the end I want to be remembered for inspiring others, for helping others, for caring too much. I do not have a thousand friends, but every friend I have is someone I can fully confide in, and that’s a good thing. 

I care too much, but this is who I am, who I want to be, and the way I would like to be remembered.

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Hike = lunch time for mosquitoes

I went for a hike today and boy, did the mosquitoes enjoy feasting on my flesh! It was peaceful and a bit muddy, but I had fun :). Tomorrow, I’ll probably be sore and scratching my bites, but I guess everything comes with its ups and downs. Enjoy these photos :). I’ll post more later!

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Have you ever attempted to play a musical instrument?

I was watching one of my favourite videos on YouTube and it reminded me of my attempts to play the piano, recorder, flute, you name it…I was definitely born without musical skills. I have a theory that the reason my family and I moved a lot is because the neighbours gathered together and complained to my parents regarding my awful music skills.

This is the video I was just talking about. Honestly, it will inspire you to make amends, make you cry, give you chills, seriously make you rethink your purpose in life:

I’m gonna show this to my sister, and I’m sure she’ll definitely agree that was me trying to play the recorder, the flute, and the piano. I give her credit for trying to teach me; she’s the music genius, not me. She got her talent from my grandpa who was a musician. I inherited his basketball skills.  My uncle taught me how to play a bit of the accordion, and my best friend tried to teach me acoustic guitar. But, hey, at least I tried to learn, and I do remember the basics, but I’m not Beethoven.

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How about you? Any music gifts?

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Do you have rules for waking up?

Not everyone likes to wake up to get up in the morning, but it is part of life so have to get over it. However, a lot of people have their own set of rules for waking up, to ease the torturing habit of leaving a good dream and a cozy bed behind. I don’t have a lot of rules, because I sleep like a rock and only wake up to strange noises, not familiar ones. But, just for fun, here are a few of my rules I like others to follow, and some of my routines:

 

1) I don’t talk in my sleep, but if you see a smile on my face, it means I’m having a good dream. Chances are, Robert Downey Jr is proposing and I’m accepting…you do not want to interrupt that (unless it’s an emergency).

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2) Do not shake the fricking bed (or me)! Why would you do that?  If you call for my name out loud, I’ll wake up. There’s no reason to traumatize me.

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3) To avoid being cranky in the morning, I don’t plan my breakfasts. This is to avoid disappointment if they don’t go as planned. I don’t drink coffee, instead I drink coconut or soy milk (I’m not lactose intolerant. I just prefer them) and/or orange juice. Sometimes, I do have drinkable yogurt. Here’s a little fact: orange juice calms me down :p. Forget alcoholic drinks; orange juice is my go-to drink when I’m under stress :).

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤