I’m sorry

Whenever there is a plane crash, I cry. Whenever there is a deliberate attack on a plane full of innocent people, I cry even more.

This is not right, this shouldn’t happen in our world. Why is it so hard for some people to understand war is not a solution, but the root of our problems? I’m not going to judge people, but I want to say that I believe that what they did to these passengers and their families is far more evil than the mistakes they made in their lifetimes.

Like I said, I care a lot and I feel bad that these people suffer the way they did. I’m sad their families have to go through this, which was 100% preventable. Just stop fighting people! What is the point? Stop shooting planes, stop ruining families, stop destroying lives. What is it that you’re fighting for? There is no logical explanation. We are supposed to evolve as a race, but we seem to be doing worse than past generations. Why do people have to keep dying in order for others to understand what they do is wrong? And to that insult to injury, nobody claims responsibility, Be a proper human being and admit what you did wrong and try to rectify it. This is an opportunity to make amends and fix the world, a chance to finally admit our errors, stop the wars, and live in peace. Stop being cowards.

Living in peace is a simple task, but obtaining peace during war is a hundred times harder. I’m sorry your loved ones have to pass away. I’m sorry your sleep will dissipate. I’m sorry you won’t wake up like you normally do. I’m sorry you’ll long for their return. I’m sorry you’ll sometimes feel angry. I’m sorry people can’t see their errors and you and your loved ones have to pay for it.  I’m sorry you’re no respected.

 

I care too much…

This past month I’ve dedicated everyday to myself, to figure out who I am. I’ve discovered that I care too much. Is that a problem?

I’ve been M,I,A, on WordPress, because I wanted to know if I was making the right decision to eventually, make writing a full-time job. After a few cups of red wine and interactions, I have concluded that this is my passion and the reason I struggle overall is because I care too much. But, this isn’t a problem, because it is who I am.

I am the kind of person who has stuffed animals in her room and doesn’t care what others think. I am the kind of person who cares about ants. There were two ants chasing each other (or about to mate) nearby today, and I cared. I moved away so they can run freely, and that’s okay. If people laugh at me because of that, then screw them. My real friends do not do that. My real friends encourage me, laugh with me, understand me. I care a lot, and I do not intend to apologize, because it is not a bad thing.

Everything around me affects me; perhaps, because I am an Empath (whether you believe it or not). All these plane crashes that have happened lately have affected me. I wonder what those innocent people went through, why the world can be so cruel. I grieve alongside their family in Spirit, even though I don’t know them. But, I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love. How waking up everyday without that person can be a living hell. The pain can come in waves; sometimes you laugh at the silly things they did, and other times you weep at the thought you’ll miss hearing their voice. I cry for them, it affects me more than I want it to, but I pray for them. I am the kind of person who struggles with their Faith. I’m set in stone, but I, too, wonder why and how. But, I believe. That’s who I am. I don’t want to change.

I thought if I didn’t care so much, I’d be better, I’d understand myself a bit more, but that’s not possible. Caring is what makes me whole. Writing and sharing my thoughts is what compliments me. People have hurt me, loved ones have betrayed me, but in the end I want to be remembered for inspiring others, for helping others, for caring too much. I do not have a thousand friends, but every friend I have is someone I can fully confide in, and that’s a good thing. 

I care too much, but this is who I am, who I want to be, and the way I would like to be remembered.

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Poetry: Wander

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Trembling in rocks

with hopeless notions

asking for tranquillity

without sudden response.

~~~

If I lie to save me

I mistake my face

but the approaching signs

linger upon a mesmerizing smile.

~~~

Relinquishing errors 

to acquire self assurance

where can one find eternal peace

If the soil is seeded with malice?

~~~

But recognizing what must be

alleviates each step forward

with a certain waft I can reach

and cultivate splendid amity.

~~~

I just want to be okay.

It is a relief a lot of us seek on a daily basis. We understand the struggles and we embrace any positive outcomes. It is a feeling we yearn for permanently, which is just to be okay. This is all I ask for myself at the moment.

I cannot predict the future, but I can learn from mistakes. In the end, I’m growing every year as a person (wish i’d in height, too), and there is so much I can do. I cannot please everyone, I cannot give and expect something in return, I cannot stop making mistakes. I don’t worry as much as I used to, and I’m working towards fulfilment. Why am I not fulfilled? Only because I haven’t achieved everything I want to. I am happy. I am okay. I just wish I could be okay 24/7.

This month I’m taking time for myself. I do what makes me happy, which is something we should all do constantly. It is not always possible, but I think it’s time to do it. This doesn’t mean being selfish with others, but it means making yourself a priority so you can be happy and ready to help others. I don’t follow the crowd. If everyone is into a trend, I’m just doing my own thing. I don’t get intro trouble, though. Do I worry if others are okay with me? I’m polite, I respect others, I help, I just don’t always have the same taste in music, for example. So, no I do not worry about that, because why should I? It does bother me sometimes, and I hope one day I’ll just be okay with it 24/7.

My advice to you, just be okay. Do not put pressure on yourself nor tell yourself you need to see rainbows and sunshine all the time. Just start with being okay, just okay, and go from there.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

First World Problem: Too many games on my Ipod

I remember fighting over who gets to play ‘Snake’ on the cell phone, and feeling a sense of accomplishment once I got to play, even if it was for 10 minutes. The screens were small, and the devices were slow, but it was a great boredom kill for me when I was a kid. Hey, I was even jealous if a few of my friends had a couple of extra games. Silly, right?

Fast forward to today and I’m 26 years old who owns a cell phone and an Ipod. I have a lot of games, some free and some that I bought, but the thrill is gone. Sure, I do get happy when I play my favourite games, but some of them have gone to the Ipod/cell phone graveyard.

“There are no games to play anymore,” man, do I feel awful when I say that.

We are all very spoiled thanks to the advancement in technology. Let’s not forget to appreciate what we have.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Poetry: Will we reach?

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Counting days like pointing stars

and subtle energy bypass my skin

ideas tangled in my mind,

and confusion bonds onto thoughts

Will we reach?

~~~

In the infinite loop of prudence

we walk along imperfect perceptions.

With rigorous climbs we are fatigued with reasons

but new hope unveils

Will we reach?

~~~

It is a thirst for what is whole

but a resistance denies the purpose

if we seek, we fear the found

but our losses are excerpts of our lives

Will we reach?

~~~

For what we cherish is fulfilment

and to attain our glory we strive

while we decipher our impediment 

and ask for a reward of clarity

Will we reach?

 

 

How do you deal with rude people?

I’d love to understand why some people are so rude. What do they gain from being a nuisance to others? I don’t care about the lame excuse, “oh, I had a bad day/week,” because I do have those days and I don’t go around yelling at people and taking out my frustrations on innocents. One thing is to be annoyed when you have a bad day, and another is to be aggressive to people who have no clue of how your day is going.

If someone is rude to me, I just ignore them and daydream. Would I love to reciprocate the rude gesture and/or slap them with a fish? Absolutely. But, I refrain from doing so, because you can’t fight fire with fire.

What I find works with these people is if you randomly start talking about different topics. Yes, make them think you’re crazy. It’s fun to watch their bulging eyes when they realize they can’t talk about themselves with you anymore. Does it always work? Nope, but what the heck, try it.  The only times I do it is when I’m bored or my daydreams are not vivid enough to transition out of the rudeness.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Well, good-bye early 20’s

I turned 26 last year and it felt like nothing happened. For a while, I’ve felt like I never grew out of my early 20’s…Sadly, age has begun to catch up to me and I’m starting to feel…old…okay fine, I’m being overly dramatic :p. I have to say here are few things that are not helping me come to terms with the fact I’m turning 27 in a couple of months:

1) I used to be able to stay awake at night during an entire movie. Now, not so much. I attempted to watch The Amazing Spider Man and passed out half-way through. Oh yea, I’m the life of the party.

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2) Sometimes, I just don’t care what I wear to bed, as long as I get to sleep. Yoga pants look good enough when my eyes won’t stay awake. Keep in mind, this only happens during non-stressful days.

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 3) I know I’m getting old when I forget things more often than my mom!

 Me:”Ohhhhh!! I gotta tell you! I saw…”

Mom: “yeah, you told me about that.”

Me: “hm, no I didn’t”

Mom: “yea, you did. You’re getting old :p!”

4) You think that’s bad? What if I told you I’m starting to pass up the chance to get rid of spiders, just because I’m too tired to try? Seriously, if that doesn’t scream ‘old,’ I don’t know what does…Spiders are rejoicing everywhere.

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5) I went to bed at 9 pm the other night, and I didn’t have to wake up early the next day…

In all fairness to my age, work has been hectic lately, so maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired. However, let’s pretend it’s because I’m too tired from fighting Orcs, and building a time machine that will take me back in time to romance Robert Downey Jr.

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Poetry: Could it be?

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Luscious eyes of apparent hope

brightening the soul 

with comforting notes

Could it be?

~~~

Insightful perception of routinely paths

captivated by the chance of greeting

such splendid emotion

Could it be?

~~~

 Lost once, lost twice, 

do not desert hope

allow destiny to flow

Could it be?

~~~

If laughter came upon

are we to recant what could be?

A broken piece cannot always be mended twice

Could it be?

 

Mosquitoes: sneaky bugs from the depths of hell

I love animals, but these bugs just keep dropping the ball on me! They’re sneaky little rascals who somehow find a way to get into my flesh, even when I’m wearing long-sleeve t-shirts and long pants. I get it, I’m hiking and invading their home, but what kind of mentality is that? I don’t suck the blood of every person who visits me.

It’s creepy. Seriously, it’s like these female mosquitoes – because male mosquitoes do no bite – are so keen to reproduce that they launch onto their prey as soon as it arrives; I am the prey in this case. They didn’t cover me in bites, but I’ve always had a reaction, so I’m not happy about the itching and swelling. I’m a Type O blood, and they say mosquitoes are mostly attracted to humans with this type of blood. I don’t have high cholesterol nor have high blood sugar, so those two can be ruled out. Perhaps, it’s genetics?

On a positive note, the bites have mostly disappear and it’s been 2 days, so they’re healing faster than I expected :p. Darn in-heat mosquitoes! Unless, I was actually bitten by a vampire?

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤