Love in Memories – Note One

I spontaneously wrote this a few days ago in 20 minutes. I didn’t want to edit, because I wanted to just pour my thoughts out, and leave it the way it turned out. I decided to share it and I hope to share for notes from it as I continue exploring this topic.

Title: Love in memories

 

A ripping pain overflows your veins, while you sit alone in agony. Reminiscing the fruitful moments and the lavishing gifts you once possessed.

 Where did all go?

You blame yourself for the present outcome. The guilt of what you lost, and where you could be right now does not leave your mind. It hurts, it strikes the deepest sorrow in your soul.

Where are you now?

Everything is empty and the world doesn’t make sense. The place where you are sitting is where everything will come together.

How will you move forward?

There is no clear starting point, but you can begin to gather leftover,s of any will you have to live. This is how you will resurface – or so you think – but all you have left to do is decide whether or not it’s worth moving forward.

You affirm to yourself that it doesn’t end here, but you have nothing around, except yourself. Where are you catching the inspiration from? There is one thing that you didn’t think you could count on, and that is your memories. You believe all the memories you have serve no purpose, because all you want to remember are the bad memories. There is one thing you overlooked and that is the love that you can find in them.

 

 

<3<3<3 Love, Ellie <3<3<3

A quitter: I’m quitting writing (A to Z challenge)

April Fools’!!!! I got you, didn’t I? :D. I had to do it, it’s a tradition in my prankster world :p. NO, I am NOT quitting writing. Never. Ever. So, let’s breathe!

As you may have noticed, I started the topic with the letter ‘A’ and that is because today the A to Z challenge has commenced. I have decided that my theme will be Random but Inspirational. I’ve always wanted to inspire and help people, and I’m going to see if I can convey that message through this challenge without diverting from my blog’s theme of ‘This is who I am’. Today’s letter: and the topic isn’t about quitting, it is about A mirror.

A mirror of high self-esteem

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As a little girl, I remember not being aware of how other people perceived me. I wore ponytails, an assortment of hair clips, and the then-popular stick-on earrings. My hair was well-groomed, my uniform was well-ironed, and every time I looked in the mirror, I smiled, I looked pretty. People taking pictures did not bother me, I would smile with food in my mouth, with mud all over my clothes, in the pool, while playing pranks on my sister, or while I watched my dad conduct experiments in the lab. I was assured by my family, relatives, and friends that I looked pretty. That’s what I heard all the time, and about everyone; my friends looked pretty, my plaid shorts made me looked pretty, my overalls made me awesome. I thought everyone was pretty…or so, I thought.

I was cunningly introduced to the low self-esteem demon. This self-awareness transition happened so subtlety, I didn’t realize I was becoming too aware of my self-image, until I was introduced to A mirror of high-self-esteem. I was at my best friend’s house for a sleepover, and it wasn’t until I was leaving that I noticed her front door mirror was “magical.” I looked into it and saw someone different, someone who had the body of a model. That can’t be me, I said to myself. But, my friend looked and she also looked like a supermodel. Why? We asked each other. The mirror was doing it, the mirror made us look more than half our size (literally). We giggled and named it, “the mirror of high self-esteem.” That was the moment I knew I had unconsciously been absorbing insecurities. If I was happy looking more than half my size, that meant I wasn’t happy with the way I looked. I became aware of how others were dressing, how they groomed, how they posed for pictures, and I forgot who I was. I didn’t like getting my picture taken, I had to “look good” in order for others to take my picture. I had become a trapped soul in the wrong world, where I thought I had to look a certain way. in order to be accepted and be pretty.

You know, it took a toll on me, so I threw it all away. It wasn’t from one day to another, but eventually, I stopped caring and became myself. I think I was myself all alone in the inside, and I was just trying to create a new shell on the outside. Of course, it left scars, and for a while I let myself be affected by others. Now, I just worry about looking clean, decent, and well-groomed, but for myself, not others. Yes, I still have insecurities, don’t we all? But, if I get a pimple, I don’t cry in my room for days. If I have a bad hair day, I flaunt it, I still go out. If you don’t like my hair, and that’s the reason you don’t want to be friends, then I don’t want you as my friend. Hey, when you go the Zoo, you don’t always like all the animals you see, right? Some like turtles, some like giraffes, but that doesn’t mean that they’re ugly if you don’t like them.

Everyone is beautiful, and I wish we could all be that kid who wasn’t afraid of anything, but the monsters under the bed (or closet). The one who’s not afraid to smile for the camera, to show off how good or bad they feel. Surround yourself with the right people, who will make you feel pretty every second of every day. You don’t need A mirror of high self-esteem to make you feel beautiful, but you should feel beautiful without looking into a mirror.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤