Living with a pierced heart
we still have untold stories
as strong as I can be
loss becomes one’s shadow.
~~~
We shared our worlds
I shed the tears
I looked at your back
I forgot who you were.
~~~
You didn’t mean to
You came back and I smiled
but hope faded
there was one end, hurt.
We’re still the same
We’re not one.
~~~
Resentment numbed
but it was noticed
I woke up, I stood up
I kept going
there is no end,
I’ll be understood again.
Jumbled Soul
When wrapped in screaming thorns
where the light is blocked by solitude
trials with abundant errors
without the will of recouping hope
~~~
The enervate emotion of a jumbled soul
perpetuates its most splendid wishes
to dangle from its potential fulfilment
and falsely misinform its heart and mind
~~~
Without the effort to console its true destiny
it dissipates from its surroundings
eluding its self-worth
and endangering its serendipity
~~~
It must pause and rely on instinct
and cautiously proceed onto the next path
embracing its perspective
as to attain its safest pace
~~~
A to Z challenge letter: L
Luxury
Luxury to me is not about materialism, but about the jewels of the heart. Even though, I have experienced many heartbreaks. I still hold on to my good memories and I am happy to say I do live a luxurious life. thanks to my upbringing. I did not find out what I’m about to share with you, until I was older. My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer when I was little and the doctors only gave him a 2% (if I remember the number correctly) chance of survival. Back then, my family owned a few properties, meaning we were financial stable. not rich I may add. My mum and grandma had a choice to make, which took them less than a second to agree on a decision; they were going to sell it all and fight the cancer battle alongside my grandpa. Sure enough, he made a miraculous recovery and went on to live a fruitful life. Had they chose not to selfless give up their material possessions, I would not have had the chance to get to know the wonderful man my grandpa was. He was a father figure to me and for that I am extremely grateful. I often wonder how I would’ve turned out had he not lived so long. Would I have been spoiled? Well, not that I wasn’t, after all grandparents will always be grandparents, it is their duty to spoil their grandchildren :p. But, would my soul be capable of being so thankful today? I don’t know how the death of my grandpa would’ve affected us then. My mum had a very Faithful upbringing, so I don’t think I would’ve turned out bad, but I do wonder sometimes. Their love for my grandpa and the selfness to come to his aid when they needed him most, are the acts of love in my life that have left a luxurious impact in my heart. They loved him, they saved him, they saved me. Sadly, my grandpa passed away last year, on May 27th, after losing a battle with cancer. He was 85. But he fulfilled his destiny and left an amazing legacy for me to continue.
Luxury isn’t always material possessions, but memories preserved as jewels in your heart.
<3<3<3 Love, Ellie <3<3<3
A to Z Challenge letter for today: H
Home
What is home? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no …wait, wrong song! But, yes I do want to talk about this. What is home? It is hard to see during hardships, but it is always there and we often find our way after we drift away. The beauty of this question is that there is no correct and definitive answer, because we all have different views on what home means to us. It doesn’t necessarily mean that home is one thing during a specific time and place, it is whatever we want it to be. I love tea, and after a long day at work home is sitting in front of my laptop, drinking tea, and catching up with everything. Other days, however, I find my home inside the bed sheets while I watch my favourite movies, or I feel comfort just munching on popcorn while I watch Charmed. How about Photography? Of course, that can be home, as well. Painting my nails, doing my hair, talking on the phone, writing on here, my home is universal.
When we feel down, we seek to do the things that cheer us up, and that is home. There are no boundaries to what makes us feel at home, and no one can take it away from us, nor should we let anyone do so. All of us here have something in common, we call WordPress our home; we feel at home because we love to write and inspire. Let yourself be lost in your own serenity and always appreciate the fact you have a home, literally everywhere. Home is where you feel safe, where you feel comfort, and where you forget your troubles. Always remember not to choose the path of self-destruction, because once you get lost in it, it will be hard (never impossible) to find your way back home.
❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤
If I’m watering flowers
I ignore your place
I hesitate and deny my hearing
I cannot face my worst fear.
~~~
When our stares meet
our flawed desires vanish
our souls are in peril
I loathe the emotions
do not smear your darkness.
~~~
The birds sing misery
I feel the strong currents
the petals drop on my feet
I do not look back.
~~~
Stop looking, they sing
it will not return
my sentiments are drained
why is it lost?
~~~
Wailing lament
floating with grief
waiting to sink
waiting to crash
waiting to be whole again.
Scribbling pain on my stitched up heart
I feel, I ache,
I beg for a cure for this torment.
Ripping memories through dark jungles,
I stride through hopes and muddy comforts.
~~~
I seek selfish help and broken words;
I regret,
I hope for better consolation,
through strikes of lightning
in my superstorm.
~~~
Unscrambled dreams possess
untimely divine is lost,
chased by unlawful creatures
attracted by the scent of my confined soul.
~~~
Sparked such fear,
good dreams are scarce
send forth my madness
into my forte of hopes.
~~~
Sprinkle my heart with your healing loving,
and run with me down streaming waters
catch my wings and teach me to fly
help me be born again.
~~~
On the edge of a precipice
I hold on to the most precious
struggling to bind the pieces
it is exhausting
it is emotionally tiring.
For how long can I hold on
will I ever regain hope?
~
I cling onto the edge
watching the rocks of my emotional state
fall down the cliff
splashing in the water
failing miserably to lift me up
~
As the rocks fall, my pockets fill with distress
it’s time to let go they say
I can’t
I still am hopeful
but don’t be, maybe it won’t get better
I’m not strong
I’m meant to fail.
~
Awake I face reality
Asleep I chase my dreams
But you can make a switch
there is hope
no there is not
I can’t put together my broken pieces anymore.
~
it’s a sonet of painful tones
an emotional mountain of despair
on my shoulders
and for what?
for hope, you say
my flask has almost none.
~
It’s not over
the amount is not significant
it can flourish and you can regain yourself
try, for yourself.
~
Confront your reality
battle the sorrows
chase your dreams
win back your life
amend your heart
believe again.
A reign of denial
melting your soul
in incandescent fire
destroying your thoughts
by infinite Shadows.
~
Logic and purpose questioned
covered in a bandage of despair and regret
breathless and paralysed
falling into an abyss of Shadows.
~
Songs of sorrow shatter hopes
cementing its vile without warning
through shameless lament
sent from the Shadows.
~
Away they must go
alone I feel the need to be
stop crashing onto me
let them take me, these Shadows.
~
Tears down your cheeks
why are you not listening
will they help me
what if they take them?
these are Shadows.
~
If reaching your hand will vanish them
why am I reluctant?
You can’t transform me
these are powerful Shadows.
If I must trust, I could try
but you must pull me fast
from the Shadows.
~
It is safe, but why are you covering my eyes?
I promise, I will not look back.
your hand has vanquished,
the Shadows.
~
You have conquered,
me?
We have conquered,
the Shadows.
Of course! The world doesn’t rule me today
© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.
