This past month I’ve dedicated everyday to myself, to figure out who I am. I’ve discovered that I care too much. Is that a problem?
I’ve been M,I,A, on WordPress, because I wanted to know if I was making the right decision to eventually, make writing a full-time job. After a few cups of red wine and interactions, I have concluded that this is my passion and the reason I struggle overall is because I care too much. But, this isn’t a problem, because it is who I am.
I am the kind of person who has stuffed animals in her room and doesn’t care what others think. I am the kind of person who cares about ants. There were two ants chasing each other (or about to mate) nearby today, and I cared. I moved away so they can run freely, and that’s okay. If people laugh at me because of that, then screw them. My real friends do not do that. My real friends encourage me, laugh with me, understand me. I care a lot, and I do not intend to apologize, because it is not a bad thing.
Everything around me affects me; perhaps, because I am an Empath (whether you believe it or not). All these plane crashes that have happened lately have affected me. I wonder what those innocent people went through, why the world can be so cruel. I grieve alongside their family in Spirit, even though I don’t know them. But, I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love. How waking up everyday without that person can be a living hell. The pain can come in waves; sometimes you laugh at the silly things they did, and other times you weep at the thought you’ll miss hearing their voice. I cry for them, it affects me more than I want it to, but I pray for them. I am the kind of person who struggles with their Faith. I’m set in stone, but I, too, wonder why and how. But, I believe. That’s who I am. I don’t want to change.
I thought if I didn’t care so much, I’d be better, I’d understand myself a bit more, but that’s not possible. Caring is what makes me whole. Writing and sharing my thoughts is what compliments me. People have hurt me, loved ones have betrayed me, but in the end I want to be remembered for inspiring others, for helping others, for caring too much. I do not have a thousand friends, but every friend I have is someone I can fully confide in, and that’s a good thing.
I care too much, but this is who I am, who I want to be, and the way I would like to be remembered.
❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤