Planes: Do you fear them?

I love watching planes take off, but I’m not a big fan of flying. I guess aside from the fear of crashing and being aware of my imminent death during the process, the thing I dislike the most is the take-off! I don’t know about you, but this is what goes through my mind.

 

 -I’m going back home for a visit, yay! The excitement kidnaps my sleep for the days prior to the day. I’m so happy, I can hop like a bunny all the way to the airport. I get to the airport, look at the screen and smile as I read my flight is on time. I pass security and sit by the departure gate. Then, it hits me…once I get on that plane, there is no going back. You know, it either crashes or it doesn’t.

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-I make it on the plane. I’m still happy to go back home. I find my sit and hope Robert Downey Jr sits beside me (you know the usual daydreams).  I always start watching a movie, which helps ease my anxiety. It all goes well, until the plane makes its way to the runway. The pilots turn on the engines, and my, are they loud!!! This is when I think for a second that there may be something wrong (even though I’ve flown a lot) and I pray to the heavens no one on the plane has really bad karma.

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-Take-off goes smoothly and we’re up in the air! The seatbelt signal goes off and flight attendants begin to assist passengers. I decide to take a nap and surprisingly, I fall asleep fast (not to be confused with fainting).  I’m usually very fortunate when it comes to turbulence; they usually only last a couple of minutes. Still, they always wake me up, because they make me feel like the plane is about to fall.

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-Just when I think it’s all over. The Captain announces that we’ll be experiencing a somewhat unusual landing. What..the..HECK? While you’re grateful for the Captain for letting you know what’s going on —basically, a soft way of saying there’s a slight chance you will perish — you still wonder whether your sanity is being dragged through the mud. Sure, you listen to what the Captain just said, but you’re secretly plotting how you’re going to try to survive by jumping off the plane while it’s going down (it helps to have an eye candy on the plane to help you get through it).

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-This is a true story: on my last trip back home, the Captain did say we were going to have a rough landing, but we didn’t. It had just stopped raining, so the ground was wet, but the girl sitting behind me starting talking out loud that we were GOING DOWN (we weren’t). So, thanks for the mild heart attack little girl 🙂

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-Despite everything that goes through my mind, I still enjoy flights. I always thank the crew for a good flight and landing. I don’t clap like other passengers, but I definitely think about kissing the ground after I exit the plane :p

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

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Overcoming my fear of bugs…as told by gifs

I saved a bug today and threw it outside…or so I thought (read HERE) .  Well here’s how it went, as told by GIFs. Credit for the GIFs goes to: http://www.reactiongifs.com/ and http://www.cutecatgifs.com/

 

1) I asked myself, why me, and why my room?

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2) I wasn’t afraid, but I still cried a little inside. I knew I had to overcome this and be done with it.

 

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3) So, I masterminded a plan and attacked…I mean I trapped the bug in a bag

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4) I thought I had trapped it and went outside to release it, but when I came back I saw it on the wall again. I was crushed (okay, I’m exaggerating).

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5)) I was mostly confused. I thought for sure it was in the bag I used. What the heck, bug?

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6) But I just went “whatever” and didn’t let it get to me

7) I realized I finally overcame my fear of bugs! I guess it helped the bug didn’t bite.

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8) In the end, I did a little celebration dance


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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Growing – A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge letter: G

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Growing

My two posts today have been about Growing up. I like to believe you can grow in at least 3 ways; height, age, maturity. It doesn’t mean we all do our growing at the same time or we all get to achieve it. I don’t know when I stopped growing in height, I still want to believe I’m getting a bit taller every year :p. For the curious cats out there, last time I checked I was 5’3” (or 5’2”). I don’t really care about height, unless I’m trying to reach for something that is high; I don’t like to grab ladders, it’s too much work sometimes (talk about laziness). In reality,science says I won’t get any taller, but my hip bones might get wider, and if you want my honest opinion, I do not give a flying… yeah that word I never say (I don’t swear).

Having said that, it brings me to the topic of ageing, and that my friends is something we will do until we die, so we better try to get used to it. I’m not afraid to admit that I do feel a bit old sometimes, and I get scared of ageing, not because of wrinkles or who knows what I’ll get, but because I want to achieve every goal I have. I’m doing my best to meet my goals and I have achieved some dreams, but I want to be able to do them all. Apparently, I do not look 26. I still get carded (which is an ego boost I suppose) and people think I look 20. Perhaps, I will appreciate this fact more when I’m in my 40’s and people tell me I look 30. I’m sure my wallet will appreciate me not spending money on anti-ageing products. I may have stopped growing in height, but I will always grow in age, and that brings me to the topic of maturity.

Maturity isn’t easily achieved, and just because you get older does not mean you suddenly become mature. I’m going to speak for myself on this one, because I know everyone is different. I think one does not realize when we achieve maturity, because we never really do. That’s the beauty of it. Everyday we grow in a different way, and get thrown life lessons at us from every direction, thus changing our perspectives, and hopefully for a better us. Today, I overcame my fear of bugs, I still fear arachnids, but I overcame something today. I grew today. I learned to appreciate a bug’s life (so cute like the movie :p). I have definitely become more responsible and learned not to dwell in my own sorrows, because there is always something better out there. I do believe things happen for a reason, and as impatient as I may be, now I choose to wait, as opposed to digging myself in a hole of anxiety (oh the teenage early adult years). Maturity isn’t about a sudden change of who you are, it is about accepting that you deserve a good life and embarking on the path that you deserve.

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Never in my life did I imagine this would be possible

That’s what I’m going to say when I meet Robert Downey Jr, but I’m not writing this post to talk about him. I hope he acknowledges me one day :p

Something great happened today, and I am not sure if this means I’m officially grown up or I appreciate some animals more than I used to. I semi-awoke early this morning to a weird noise by my ear. I did not think much of it, I thought it was a fly that got in my room. I went back to sleep and woke up and heard the same sound again. I was still in bed and turned to face the wall, and I saw a giant, well a big beetle crawling up to the window. I didn’t know it was a beetle at first, I just stared and went, “the heck is that thing?”

Do you want to guess what I did next? No, I didn’t kill it, ran, dance, cry or marry it. In fact, I wasn’t scared at all –okay, maybe I little bit — but I decided to lure it into a bag and throw it out in the grass. I used logic, the beetle or whatever creature it was didn’t bite me, therefore it was not dangerous, so I chose to let it live. If it was a spider, I would’ve killed it or used the vacuum. It was definitely not a ‘cute’ bug, but it is the first time I’ve let a bug live, so props to me for doing that :p. Oh, but it’s not over. Get ready for a plot twist! I came back from the front yard and while I was getting ready to go out, I noticed something crawling up another wall. It was back!!!!!!! I don’t know how the thing escaped, nor do I want to know just so I won’t have nightmares tonight, but it was back, like the Terminator. I was about to scoop it out with a dust pan, but it moved and I got scared, so I threw it against the door. I saw it land on it.

I knew where it was, so I went to the door to get it and, dun dun dun, it wasn’t there! It disappeared, and I am not joking. I had to be somewhere so I decided to let it go and deal with it when I came back. I didn’t see it again. Perhaps, it came back to thank me? I’d like to think so, just for the sake of not losing my mind. What if I imagined the whole thing? I was half awake after all. What if there were TWO? I’m confused. These bugs BUG me all the time, ha ha, see what I did there? No? No? Okay…

Arwen I thought (haha another Lord of the Rings pun, get it?) I was never going to get over my fear of bugs, I guess I finally did? About scooping out spiders, I don’t know if that will happen in the near future, but maybe there is hope :p. Bugs and Arachnids rejoice! Well, not arachnids just yet.

What is the moral of all this? It is possible to overcome fears, it feels weird growing up, and be kind to bugs, they may just thank you for it :p.

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Emotions – A to Z challenge

The letter for today: E

A to Z challenge

 

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Emotions

Anger

Love

Fear

Sadness

Joy

Trust…

All of us have one thing in common, emotions. How’s that for an icebreaker? Have you ever been afraid? happy? heartbroken? sad? We all have, more so than others, but we have experienced different emotions nonetheless. Being able to feel emotions are not a bad thing, even though we might think so at times. They help us vent and recover from expected and unexpected events in our life. I’ll speak for myself, but after a good cry, I feel like I can rule the world. When I feel sad, I feel like locking myself away for eternity; however, those moments help me have a closer look at my life and make changes if I must. I’m not saying I like those emotions, but I try to get rid of them as soon as possible. While emotions like ‘fear’ and ‘sadness’ are often unexpected, you can turn them into a positive and conquer them.

Do you ever feel like locking away certain feelings? I know I do. Sometimes I still lock them away, either due to embarrassment or fear of feeling vulnerable. But, you see, you should not be afraid to share your emotions. Lock them away for a bit until you figure out what to do, but let them go at some point. When you put things away for a long time, you forget about them, but they’re still there. If you lock away say, anger, it will consume you and will remind you that it’s there when you are at your most vulnerable. Take your time, of course, but face your emotions, because there are a lot of opportunities out there. Love and Joy are the easiest and most rewarding emotions, and I don’t mean ‘love’ only in a romantic way, but in friendship. It is true when they say, “Love conquers all”.

In the spirit of emotions, here’s a line full of friendship love for all my fellow bloggers:

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Poetry: Undying

Scribbling pain on my stitched up heart

I feel, I ache,

I beg for a cure for this torment.

Ripping memories through dark jungles,

I stride through hopes and muddy comforts.

~~~

I seek selfish help and broken words;

I regret,

I hope for better consolation,

through strikes of lightning

in my superstorm.

~~~

Unscrambled dreams possess

untimely divine is lost,

chased by unlawful creatures

attracted by the scent of my confined soul.

~~~

Sparked such fear, 

good dreams are scarce

send forth my madness

into my forte of hopes.

~~~

Sprinkle my heart with your healing loving,

and run with me down streaming waters

catch my wings and teach me to fly

help me be born again.

~~~

Short Story: Laura’s Closet – Part Five (last one).

Here’s the last part of my less-than-two-week short story project called, “Laura’s Closet”. I do wish I had spent a bit more time on it, but it served its purpose, which was to let go and just write. It was inspired by a conversation me and two of my good friends had during my vacation back home in Vancouver. As always, I hope it inspires you in some way! Do not be afraid to just write and let go.

I’m working on another short story called, “Jehmers Donsriell’s Bequest”. I’m working on it more than “Laura’s Closet,” because it is a story I started a long time ago and never finished. I feel very good about it, which is why I want to spend a good time crafting it. There is no date when I’ll post it, because I’m not done, yet. Below is an excerpt I posted a while ago. After that, you can find all the parts of “Laura’s Closet”. Enjoy!

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Jehmers Donsriell’s bequest

She felt its sharp teeth crumbling her skin, but not a tear was shed. She was paralyzed, but she could still feel the harrowing pain, slowly rising inside her body. It absorbed any energy that she had left, and she felt hopeless. She clung to the wooden floor with her black long nails, as a last attempt to escape, scratching her way out of her own despair. It wasn’t long before her hair decayed, and her teeth began to dust from the rusty toxic wind that blew on her face. Her lungs began to collapse, as she tried to escape her imminent downfall. At last, she caught what would be, her final breath. The only thought in her mind, was regret…

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Laura’s Closet – Part One

Laura’s Closet – Part Two

Laura’s Closet – Part Three

Laura’s Closet – Part Four

Laura’s Closet – Part Five (final)

(continued)

Despite her efforts, Elena didn’t strip her off her power. Instead, she gave her a second one, the power of premonition.

Although relieved to have the power of seeing what she had been searching, it didn’t feel real.  She thought her rant to Elena was brutal enough to leave her powerless and without answers. Even though, she was speechless, she nodded and smile with gratitude. Then, Elena blinked and left, and Laura found herself in her bed, awakening early morning on the following day. “Was it all a dream?” She thought.

She sat on her bed for a few minutes, palpitating, touching everything around her, waiting for something to happen. Her eyes were sore as if she hadn’t slept for days, and a cold sweat spread throughout her body.  She placed her hand on her forehead and lied back down again. By the time she got up again, a couple of hours had passed.  She felt much better and didn’t want to waste more time. She quickly got ready and left to find Alliese and Sonia.

Before she left her building, she noticed it was pouring rain, but she had an umbrella ready. She experienced some déjà vu, but her suspicious were not confirmed, until she saw her neighbour approach. “This is a lot of rain. I should go back for an umbrella. Why is it that no one can predict such weather?” He said. She struggled to say something back, still in shock at the realization that she went back to the past. Or, did she? Could this have been the “truth” Elena was talking about?

She knew what was supposed to happen next; her meeting with Alliese and Sonia, to tell them about Mother Nature (now Elena). She stayed in the building’s lobby, and tried to contact them. But, something wasn’t right. She couldn’t find their numbers. She restarted her phone as an attempt to recover their numbers – she figured her cell phone had just crashed. However, all of her attempts had failed. She remembered she had the numbers written by her home phone. So, she went back upstairs to check –she knew their phone numbers, but for some reason she couldn’t remember.

She went inside her apartment, and noticed she didn’t have the numbers written anymore. “Something is definitely wrong here,” she said. She pinched herself a few times, just in case she was just dreaming. Everything seemed to be in order; except for the fact Alliese and Sonia were nowhere to be found. She felt lightheaded and slowly sat down on the couch, feeling like someone just tied a knot inside her throat. She took a few deep breaths; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. She paused, noticing her laptop was on with an opened document. She took careful steps towards it, and came to a full stop once she was close enough to read what it said. Her widened eyes glanced at the screen, and her breathing increased heavily.

Her whole life appeared to have been typed. Alliese and Sonia were not her friends; they were two personalities of Laura that she created in her mind, to cope with the fact she did die at the hands of the killer she ran from in the woods. Suddenly, she was transported back to the woods, at the same spot where she met Elena for the first time. Elena could not explain the circumstances, because Laura still had something to learn. But, she talked about Alliese and Sonia as being two of Laura’s biggest worries within herself. They became alive to her, because they were parts of Laura that needed to find their own resolution.  Laura’s reaction was as expected; she froze solid where she stood, and it took her a while to let go of the denial. She was trying to retrace her steps, and kept track on what happened before and how it all fitted together, but she had to grasp the idea of not being part of the world anymore. She retreated into the woods, and asked Elena to let her cope with her new destiny on her own. She was defeated by her own fears in life, but she was going to figure out how not to let them win her over in death. Even though, it was not under the best circumstance, Laura started listened to her soul for the first time.

Elena was going to let her discover a new world for herself, and for now, she wasn’t going to tell her that she was not dead.

 -The End…or is it?-

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.

Friendship

Friends come and go, but true friendships last forever. It is no sufficient to acknowledge the presence of your current friends, but one must ensure you are not both taking each other for granted. Think about it as being a good plate of food. In order to achieve it, you need the perfect combination of seasoning, ingredients, and love. Friendships cannot be held without a mix of emotions and love. There is no such thing as a perfect friendship, but there is a true one, where you and others strive to bring the best out of each other. 

It is the flaws that help you discover new approaches for the present and the future. Life changes every second, and it is those failures that cause a shift into the right direction of a friendship; but, that is only if you don’t discard the friendship that’s worth saving. It is easy to throw away faded friendships, and sometimes you do have to, if they become toxic. However, you must not be afraid to try to rebuild that past friendship, if the only thing that stood in the way was a schedule conflict. 

We all take different paths in life in terms of following our goals, but we are all taking the same time path towards the future. Keep in touch, let your friends know you’re there, listen to them, laugh, cry, be silly, have fights and make up. A true friendship cannot evolve without a few bumps on the road. Redefine the core of the friendship, remember why you became friends and how, not why you’re friends in the present. It’s good to look into the past, but do not remain there. Instead, take from the past, live in the present, and brainstorm about the future. They say quality is better than quantity, and I definitely agree with that. Surround yourself with people who want and do what’s best for you. Every friend will bring a different spice into your world, and vice versa.

But, what about Acquaintances?

They are like signs you pass by on the road, they’re not meant to be a huge part of your life – which is why they are acquaintances – but, they’re there as a warning or a reminder of what will/could happen. Some of them might become your long-time friend, or even your long-time partner, but the only way to know is by paying attention to who they are, and who are they turning you into.

Just use your instinct, you’ll know who the right friend is for you. Get to know them, learn how they react and how they show their love to others. Everyone expresses their feelings in a different way; some are jokers, and some are sensitive, but they will all demonstrate why you mean so much to them, in a good and healthy way. Friends are not video games you shelf that you only pick when its convenient, nor are they trophies you collect and show off when it suits you. They’re the treasures you want to share. They fill you with so much enlightenment, you feel as though the world must know them. 

Friendships aren’t meant to fulfil your greed and envy, and it is not a selective contest. They’re magnets to your own good will, that end in the resolution of both of your quests in the seek of a lifelong unity.

 

Of course! The world doesn’t rule me today!

Is love too much to ask for?

The world’s lack of true love perforates my mind and soul. Have we become hermits from the fear of loving endlessly, or have we been too damaged that we’ve given up on love? 

Perhaps it is our desire to love, not because we want all the love for ourselves, but because we’re selfless. We become excited at the idea of sharing our passions, thoughts, and struggles, that we become blind to those who will end up inflicting pain, and shattering our hearts into a million pieces. How long can one withstand glueing these fallen pieces, until one collapses in despair, wishing for love to disappear?

What is it that scares people away? Is it that one is perhaps too good, it becomes intimidating? Or do they fear, they’ll give up their own desires? Is it that they/we are afraid of a perfect world; here there’s no wrongdoing, where there’s no pain, where there’s no despair?

These questions shouldn’t even be asked. But there’s hope, we’ll all find the love we’re looking for; romance, friendship, family, nature, the universe. 

Fear should not be in the same place as love, and love shouldn’t replace your past, present, and future. It is what helps us stick together, it is a band of unity and comfort that’s there to remind us, we mean something to someone, or that we mean good for someone or something. It shouldn’t be hard to love, and it should be simple to take a leap of faith. It becomes tiring wishing, praying, hoping that the love we share will reciprocate. 

Is love too much to ask for? Is an answer too much to hope for? 

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Writer’s Block – Who can say when I’ll shine. Only Time.

I’ve finally started writing my novel. I’m hoping to finish a draft by the end of this year, unless I let myself hit writer’s block, again.

Writing is rewarding yourself with printing your inner thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper (or MS word document). At the same time, it can also become a dreadful place, in which you’ll find ungrateful memories you never wanted to visit again. How do you overcome such thing?

The answer is clear, I’m not meant to. I’ve dug the deepest any artist does at one point in their life. I can only begin to explore and discover more about myself, and the message I have to send. It is terrifying, when you think about it. Why does my brain take me so deep, where the only way out is to confront the known and unknown? My brain does think it’s a piñata, or the gift that keeps on giving. But, if I ever want to finish this novel, I have to embark in unexpected journeys (like Bilbo Baggins).

Only failures can lead to success, and believe me, I have failed many times. I know I won’t like what I’ll find, once I unblock these demons that are stopping me from writing, but perhaps, I can use my good memories to pull me back up.

This is going to be a new long journey. I want to get rid of my fears, but at the same time I’m intrigued and I want them here, I want to face them and I want to conquer them; however, I don’t want to forget them. All these fears have made me who I am today.

I wonder what the outcome is going to be after I’m done. Only time can tell.

“Book of Days” and “Only Time” by Enya have become my theme songs, right now (yes, the title of this post is in reference to one of those songs). By the way, if they ever turn my novel into a movie, I want her in the soundtrack! She’s my favourite artist :). Well, besides the great Peter Jackson! I hope he does a movie based on my novel :). Hey, I can dream! But, I’m here to share my messages and to search for peace, not fame. Whatever is meant to be :).

 

Of course! The world sort of rules me today!