What’s it like being a daydreamer?

First of all, I’m not crazy, I know the difference between reality and fantasy. Still, I do get asked where my imagination comes from or how do I feel when I a vivid daydreams. Here’s a short explanation of a few things I go through:

 

1) I may be a daydreamer, but I do listen to what you’re telling me. I’m just picturing your situation in mind as you tell the story. Which is why I often get told by my friends, “I would’ve never thought of it that way! Thanks!”

 

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2) No, I do not ‘hear’ voices. I imagine my crush asking me out and things like that, but I know he didn’t just do so. Again, I’m aware when I’m daydreaming. Otherwise, I’d be at a mental facility.

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3) Concentration isn’t always easy, but it is possible to manage. It isn’t always easy to pay attention to things you’re not interested in (but things you must learn).  This is one of the reasons I walk a lot. I need to keep my mind balanced.

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4) It does help your memory. There are many things I remember that my friends don’t (how they made a fool of themselves this one time), and that’s because it replayed in my mind over and over, like a movie or story.

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5) Even though concentration is often a problem, with the right amount of silence it is easy to get into writing mode. The problem is getting out of it. It feels like the moment the movie ends at the theatre and you know the magic is over. It does get you down, I’m telling you.

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6) Comfort drinks and ice cream are my go-to buddies, when no one is available. My mind does get tired and drinks and ice cream get it going, when sleep is not an immediate option.

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7)  Daydreaming helps to deal with situations that might make you lose sleep over.

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8) It makes life interesting whenever you’re having a good or bad day. If I’m having an awesome day, the excitement gets so high I could hug a spider. However, on a gloomy day, I often picture myself buying a ticket to leave the planet and galaxy.  I think this applies to most people, but for a daydreamer, this is life. It is also easy to switch back and forth between daydreams.  Do not confuse this with mood swings, though.

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9) Writing can be a good escape and so is daydreaming. It gives you a bit of hope in life, if you don’t have someone to talk to at a specific moment.

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

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Your Legacy

I always say I’m not afraid of dying, but I hope I leave a positive legacy and a published book when I do. When I was younger, I didn’t think too much about this. I just knew I wanted to make a positive impact, but when you’re a teenager you think you’re immortal, and therefore go on to live as if you had a million lives. I’m turning 27 this year (geez, 3 more years and I’m going to be 30. What the heck?), but sometimes I feel like I’m in my early 20’s. I ask myself, have I made a positive impact enough to die without regrets? I hope so, but have I fulfill all my dreams? Not yet. I still have to publish a book and have a family. Will they ever happen? I don’t know, but I know one thing: if my time to pass on came tomorrow, I won’t have any regrets, because everyday I work hard to realize those dreams. Inspiration, published books, and a loving family. I want that to be my legacy.

I found this photo of my late grandparents on their wedding day. Before this day, my grandma spent 3 years in the hospital battling Tuberculosis; she lost part of one lung. During these years, my grandparents sent love letters to each other. They met when they were teenagers and grew old together. She lived 15 years longer than what the doctors had previously told her, and she gave birth to 3 children. Every time I look at their photos, I’m reminded of their legacy; Love, Trust, Faith, Courage, Perseverance. Against all odds, they grew old together. When I was a child, my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors gave him 5 months to live. He beat it and lived until he was 85. They both suffered and survived together. Their legacies make me not want to complain about anything.

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What legacy do you wish to leave?

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

This is who I am. Is that so hard to accept?

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I don’t kill, I don’t hurt others, I may not like being in crowds, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love people. I love animals, I love to walk, I love to dream, I love to write, I love to read, I love to stay still. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a CEO, I’m not a lawyer, I’m not an Engineer. I’m an artist, and that’s who I am. Is that so hard to accept? 

“You should be a CEO. You should be a lawyer. You should be a private investigator.”

“You should be,” is what I’ve heard so many times. But, how about who I want to be? Why can’t some people accept who I really am? If I’m not self-destructing or hurting others, if what I do makes me happy, why can’t they accept it? I’m not going to succumb to peer pressure and follow what others think I should do. I never have and I don’t plan to do it any time for the rest of my life. I’m going to follow my dreams and leave the legacy I was born to pass on. Money isn’t everything. Money isn’t going to buy me immortality, but my dreams are going to grant me everlasting happiness. Whenever my time comes, I want to close my eyes and smile knowing I achieved my happiness and inspired others. 

I have two choices, let others rule my life and become the woman I shouldn’t be, or realize my dreams and become the woman I was born to be. I choose the latter.

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

One of the kids I used to babysit told me one day he wanted to be a hockey player (Go Canucks!) and a sushi chef. I told him If he ever became a famous Vancouver Canucks hockey player (or Montreal Canadiens), he needed to make sure I got VIP tickets to all of his games :D. I may have also told him I’d wear a t-shirt with his baby picture on it :p and the following text: “=his name= ‘s biggest fan since diapers”. Honestly, I don’t think he’d mind if I did that. I’m the only one (besides his parents) who can hug him in public; he’s 8 years old.

I wanted to be so many things when I was a kid:

-Doctor: because removing a splinter from my sister’s foot would automatically make me one

 

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-Marine Biologist: I loved looking at the water and sea creatures. Oddly enough, I didn’t like to swim.

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-Astronaut: I wanted to meet aliens. That’s it.

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-Basketball player: I played basketball until High School, and I even watched games on TV. I was a fan of the Sacramento Kings during that phase (the time where I lived in the U.S.). I was 5’2” then.

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Chef: I wanted to become a pastry chef, only pastry because I didn’t like seafood and didn’t want to be forced to eat it :p. Then I got a burn and became a chicken.

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-Animator: I went to college for 3D Animation & Modeling. This was my second career choice. My first one was Writing. No regrets, but the former wasn’t my true passion and call.

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I think that covers everything, but if I remember more, I’ll share later :p. How about YOU?

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Daily prompt: Junk Food Junkie

The daily post wants to know: What’s your biggest junk food weakness? Tell us all about it in its sugary, salty, glory.

Oh my, if I write about this I will not be able to finish until aliens invade Earth.Right now, I’m drooling just from reading the question. Have you seen Beauty and the Beast before? The scene where Lumière sings ‘Be our Guest’? Okay, I have dreams like that sometimes. Usually, when I’m stressed out and have run out of sweets at my home. One of the worst feelings is going to sleep with a sugar craving.

and this is what I look like when I think I see a cupcake sitting on my desk. Talk about delusional.

 But, let’s see now, what kind of junk food do I like? Well, I love Kernels popcorn, Haagen Dazs ice cream, lemon tarts, cakes, cupcakes, and anything that has chocolate. I always keep a stash of different chocolates –you know, because I may want a kinder egg one day, but feel like a cadbury egg the next day — on my desk. I am obsessed with Lindt and Purdy’s chocolates. I do like Cadbury chocolates, but that’s more of a spontaneous purchase when I’m desperate for chocolate. I honestly try not to shove any sugary treats down my throat as often as I used to, and I have learned to balance my junk food intake. It does help! It is possible! A good way I found to help with my cravings, is to have trail mix in my purse. I love trail mix, it is both sweet and salty. That’s my tip for the day 🙂

 

Is that a chocolate cupcake?

 

❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Greased Pasta?

Happy Sunday! I hope it was a wonderful day! Today’s post is short, but I must share what I dreamed about today. Have you ever had one of those hilarious dreams where you are part of a musical?

I took a nap today (it’s becoming a Sunday ritual) and for some reason I dreamed I was making fresh pasta with friends, while dancing to ‘Greased Lightning” (Grease the musical/film in case you didn’t know). We’re talking major plot evolution throughout the dream. I was in the kitchen with friends preparing spaghetti from scratch…and let’s pause right there. I present to you Insanity Alert Numéro Un (practising my French): My friends and I preparing a meal from scratch would be an extremely rare occurrence in the life of Ellie, because our schedules rarely coincide. So, let’s move on.

I decided to turn on the music and for reasons I don’t want to know, I played the song ‘Greased Lightning.’ It just spun out of control from there; the pots flew, my friends and I jumped and danced on tables, and I sprinkled flour on a spinning wheel– do not ask me how we brought a spinning wheel in the kitchen, Sleeping Beauty syndrome? I mean, okay, I confess. I would do this in real life (except for the spinning wheel).

At that point, I was laughing in my sleep. I honestly realized I was dreaming and almost woke up, but I went right back to sleep. As soon as I did, I dreamed of my friend rolling out the freshly-made pasta, and my, oh my! The abundance of pasta was so incredible that I picked up strings of pasta, and dragged them on the flour-covered spinning wheel. What…the…HECK? Then, I woke up –because dreams love cliffhangers.

The most hilarious and bizarre dream I’ve had in a while –and that’s coming from me. I don’t know why the song played in my dreams; I haven’t seen the movie in a long time nor was I thinking of it at all. My brain has a twisted sense of humour, eh? Have YOU ever had these dreams?

Have an awesome week everyone! Remember, if you survive Monday, you can survive anything! And after Monday, only 4 days until the next weekend!

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Poetry: Undying

Scribbling pain on my stitched up heart

I feel, I ache,

I beg for a cure for this torment.

Ripping memories through dark jungles,

I stride through hopes and muddy comforts.

~~~

I seek selfish help and broken words;

I regret,

I hope for better consolation,

through strikes of lightning

in my superstorm.

~~~

Unscrambled dreams possess

untimely divine is lost,

chased by unlawful creatures

attracted by the scent of my confined soul.

~~~

Sparked such fear, 

good dreams are scarce

send forth my madness

into my forte of hopes.

~~~

Sprinkle my heart with your healing loving,

and run with me down streaming waters

catch my wings and teach me to fly

help me be born again.

~~~

Poem: Emotional Distress

On the edge of a precipice

I hold on to the most precious

struggling to bind the pieces

it is exhausting

it is emotionally tiring.

For how long can I hold on

will I ever regain hope?

~

I cling onto the edge 

watching the rocks of my emotional state 

fall down the cliff

splashing in the water

failing miserably to lift me up

~

As the rocks fall, my pockets fill with distress

it’s time to let go they say

I can’t

I still am hopeful 

but don’t be, maybe it won’t get better

I’m not strong

I’m meant to fail.

~

Awake I face reality

Asleep I chase my dreams

But you can make a switch

there is hope

no there is not

I can’t put together my broken pieces anymore.

~

it’s a sonet of painful tones

an emotional mountain of despair

on my shoulders

and for what?

for hope, you say

my flask has almost none.

~

It’s not over

the amount is not significant

it can flourish and you can regain yourself

try, for yourself. 

~

Confront your reality

battle the sorrows

chase your dreams

win back your life

amend your heart

believe again.

Short Story: Laura’s Closet – Part Five (last one).

Here’s the last part of my less-than-two-week short story project called, “Laura’s Closet”. I do wish I had spent a bit more time on it, but it served its purpose, which was to let go and just write. It was inspired by a conversation me and two of my good friends had during my vacation back home in Vancouver. As always, I hope it inspires you in some way! Do not be afraid to just write and let go.

I’m working on another short story called, “Jehmers Donsriell’s Bequest”. I’m working on it more than “Laura’s Closet,” because it is a story I started a long time ago and never finished. I feel very good about it, which is why I want to spend a good time crafting it. There is no date when I’ll post it, because I’m not done, yet. Below is an excerpt I posted a while ago. After that, you can find all the parts of “Laura’s Closet”. Enjoy!

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Jehmers Donsriell’s bequest

She felt its sharp teeth crumbling her skin, but not a tear was shed. She was paralyzed, but she could still feel the harrowing pain, slowly rising inside her body. It absorbed any energy that she had left, and she felt hopeless. She clung to the wooden floor with her black long nails, as a last attempt to escape, scratching her way out of her own despair. It wasn’t long before her hair decayed, and her teeth began to dust from the rusty toxic wind that blew on her face. Her lungs began to collapse, as she tried to escape her imminent downfall. At last, she caught what would be, her final breath. The only thought in her mind, was regret…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laura’s Closet – Part One

Laura’s Closet – Part Two

Laura’s Closet – Part Three

Laura’s Closet – Part Four

Laura’s Closet – Part Five (final)

(continued)

Despite her efforts, Elena didn’t strip her off her power. Instead, she gave her a second one, the power of premonition.

Although relieved to have the power of seeing what she had been searching, it didn’t feel real.  She thought her rant to Elena was brutal enough to leave her powerless and without answers. Even though, she was speechless, she nodded and smile with gratitude. Then, Elena blinked and left, and Laura found herself in her bed, awakening early morning on the following day. “Was it all a dream?” She thought.

She sat on her bed for a few minutes, palpitating, touching everything around her, waiting for something to happen. Her eyes were sore as if she hadn’t slept for days, and a cold sweat spread throughout her body.  She placed her hand on her forehead and lied back down again. By the time she got up again, a couple of hours had passed.  She felt much better and didn’t want to waste more time. She quickly got ready and left to find Alliese and Sonia.

Before she left her building, she noticed it was pouring rain, but she had an umbrella ready. She experienced some déjà vu, but her suspicious were not confirmed, until she saw her neighbour approach. “This is a lot of rain. I should go back for an umbrella. Why is it that no one can predict such weather?” He said. She struggled to say something back, still in shock at the realization that she went back to the past. Or, did she? Could this have been the “truth” Elena was talking about?

She knew what was supposed to happen next; her meeting with Alliese and Sonia, to tell them about Mother Nature (now Elena). She stayed in the building’s lobby, and tried to contact them. But, something wasn’t right. She couldn’t find their numbers. She restarted her phone as an attempt to recover their numbers – she figured her cell phone had just crashed. However, all of her attempts had failed. She remembered she had the numbers written by her home phone. So, she went back upstairs to check –she knew their phone numbers, but for some reason she couldn’t remember.

She went inside her apartment, and noticed she didn’t have the numbers written anymore. “Something is definitely wrong here,” she said. She pinched herself a few times, just in case she was just dreaming. Everything seemed to be in order; except for the fact Alliese and Sonia were nowhere to be found. She felt lightheaded and slowly sat down on the couch, feeling like someone just tied a knot inside her throat. She took a few deep breaths; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. She paused, noticing her laptop was on with an opened document. She took careful steps towards it, and came to a full stop once she was close enough to read what it said. Her widened eyes glanced at the screen, and her breathing increased heavily.

Her whole life appeared to have been typed. Alliese and Sonia were not her friends; they were two personalities of Laura that she created in her mind, to cope with the fact she did die at the hands of the killer she ran from in the woods. Suddenly, she was transported back to the woods, at the same spot where she met Elena for the first time. Elena could not explain the circumstances, because Laura still had something to learn. But, she talked about Alliese and Sonia as being two of Laura’s biggest worries within herself. They became alive to her, because they were parts of Laura that needed to find their own resolution.  Laura’s reaction was as expected; she froze solid where she stood, and it took her a while to let go of the denial. She was trying to retrace her steps, and kept track on what happened before and how it all fitted together, but she had to grasp the idea of not being part of the world anymore. She retreated into the woods, and asked Elena to let her cope with her new destiny on her own. She was defeated by her own fears in life, but she was going to figure out how not to let them win her over in death. Even though, it was not under the best circumstance, Laura started listened to her soul for the first time.

Elena was going to let her discover a new world for herself, and for now, she wasn’t going to tell her that she was not dead.

 -The End…or is it?-

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.

Your golden years

I went to see a short play called, “Old Times.” To summarize it, it’s about a trio of male seniors who meet every year, to catch up on their lives. It was funny, but insightful at the same time. Just last week, my friends and I were wondering, how in the future we’ll probably meet with our kids (if we have any). How do I see myself in the golden years? That is if I’m destined to live that long.

I hope to have accomplished all of my goals; like publishing books, having a family, meeting the wonderful Enya, and getting my picture taken with hundreds of penguins. My goals even go way into the afterlife, where I hope to meet Audrey Hepburn — unless, I end up building the first time machine. All I know is, I’ll be a happy old fart, who will hopefully knit penguin blankets for her grandchildren, and still dance to the Backstreet Boys.

How about YOU? 🙂

 

Of course! The world doesn’t rule me today