Brain Tantrums: Like a brain fart, but uncontrollable – Part One (because I’m sure there will be more)

Brain Farts, we’ve all had them. In my case, when that happens, I find to be more apologetic than ashamed. Yes, I’m still ashamed, but I find that quite often, I acknowledge my error, learn from it, and move on…that is until my brain decides to throw a Brain Tantrum. Now, this is where it gets uncontrollable. Why? Because, as much as I would like to move on from this (mind you, already forgiven) error, my brain finds the need to constantly remind me of it, to be point where I feel below any failure. Am I confusing this with guilt? Not at all. I feel sorry, but not guilty. I JUST want to move on from this error, and turn it into a learning experience. I want to bury it and do a penguin dance over it. But, no way! My brain will never let me move on. Instead, it pounds on my head, until it gets what it wants. It wants to see me (or feel me, I guess), curled up in a ball, rocking back and a forth, in a dark and spider-web-infested corner, until there is nothing left in my soul, but a catastrophe of shame.

Wait for it! Just when I think my brain has cooled off, after a time-out (meaning no LOTR, Harry Potter, Glee, or a marathon of the tv series Charmed), it digs deeper until it finds the weakest point…NOSTALGIA.

Why would my brain do this? It went from a brain tantrum to a brain masochist. I’m sure I’m not the only one, whose brain decides to play this error scenario, over and over, until one loses 98% of a good night’s sleep. Fine, make that 99.9%. And just when you thought you had finally fallen asleep, it wakes you up, ten minutes before you alarm goes off, and reminds you of the worst times of your life. Remember that song you used to listen to with your grandparents, friends, family? Oh yes, it will play in your head until tears pour down and soak your bed. Then, because this happens while you are still half asleep, you’ll wake up thinking you wet your bed. But, you’ll notice it was simply the mark of anguish left by your brain (as if a girl sleeping during her period wasn’t disgusting enough).

Oh dear brain, please stop reminding me of the dreadful experiences in my life. What happened, to “leaving the past behind”? Has this turned into, “leaving the past behind, until your brain turns around and shoves it in your face”?

Of course! The world still rules me…but with I will avenge with happy thoughts 😀



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