Poetry: Blind Darkness

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Secluding thoughts on eternal paths

deaf to the sounds of logic

barricading  hope with,

false fables.

~~~

 Blinding denounce 

who we used to be

and we ask if there’ll be recondition

it is half believable.

~~~

Inconclusive destiny

where is the forever?

Whoever is there might unbind us

if we see it.

~~~

Hardships are clear

successes are real

Do we see? Can we see?

Sometimes we can’t hear.

~~~

I’m not paranoid. I’m just prepared :p

Life has been hectic, but I am looking forward to next weekend (my birthday), and my trip to South America in 3 weeks :D!!! Boy, do I feel old! I’m turning 27!!!! On the bright side, nobody believes I’m 27. I still get carded when I buy wine. “Do you have ID? You have a baby face,” they say.

–“May I see 2 pieces of ID?”

“I’m turning 27”

“You look 20”

“Here you go. Thanks, I guess?”

Hopefully, if I live to see 40, I’ll look 27 :p. 

I’m already preparing for my trip, because that’s what I like to do. I’m not paranoid; I do not think the world is going to end tomorrow. What I like to do is just be prepared if such event were to occur. 

Yes, I am the type of person to whom co-workers come when they need aid. Advil? I got it. Anti-acid? I got it. Emergency granola bar? I got it. Tide stick for emergency stains? I got it. Trail mix for the walk back home? I got it. Honestly, you name it, I have it. You never know what could happen, so I just like to walk around feeling like I could survive during an emergency. 

Do you carry anything with you for emergencies?

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

What kind of research do you do for your characters?

You can only do so much research, before you trespass the boundary between who you are and who you may becoming. That is somewhat my fear, that if I try to live a bit like my characters, I may end up like them. Then again, I’m confident in who I am, but it’s still a fear.

Speaking of fears, I have begun my own research, in order to instigate my main characters’ fears. I slept with a lava lamp on for most of high school, and a plug-in light for most of college. Yes, I do not like the dark —somehow, I do love horror movies — but as of recently, I’ve decided to try and get over it. The thing is, when something bad happens, I still find it hard to sleep with the lights off (unless, I cuddle with my stuffed animals, shhh!)

I’m all for trying new things —except for seafood. After that calamari night, never again — and I thought I would use this fear to my advantage. After all, it is better than curling up in a ball in the corner. I’m basically trying to scare myself once in a while, you know, trying to believe there IS a monster in the closet or under the bed. Silly fears, but with positive results. It has inspire me to think about the dark parts of my novel. I’m circling it, which I shouldn’t, but I’m waiting for a bit longer to see if anything new comes my way.

I do have to say, I use my Ipod and turn on Netflix to help me fall asleep with the lights off. Curious enough, if a monster decided to appear, I’d beat it up…out of fear. In a way, fear unveils the courage you never thought you had.

How about you?

 

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤

Congratulations! Now, your character has the same bad habits as you

Hey, I don’t have terrible bad habits, but I still have them – as much as I want to be alien, I’m still human…rats!!— it now seems that my characters are picking up my traits. Does this happen to you? Do you do this intentionally?

My characters do not exist without flaws, but it does make me feel a bit vulnerable by giving them my bad habits. Then again, I think that’s kind of the point I want to bring across; that it’s okay to have flaws.

I know, boo-hoo me >_>

 

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Poetry: We Are

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We are dry leaves

struggling to survive

we stop, we admire,

we are stopped by malicious glares.

 ~~~

We stumble walking in worn shoes,

allowing pressure to push us down

we cannot stop, we want to,

we are silenced by the voice of aggressors.

~~~

We escape from their clannish,

but we turn and stare, and listen

we retract from our initial thoughts

we are crushed by their vile.

~~~

We read our own phrases,

to remind us of our true faces

we think of when we’ll end

but until then, we can embrace our fulfilment.

 

What I have learned in the month of July

I decided that July was going to be a month dedicated to myself. I wasn’t selfish, but I just needed time to focus on who I am. These are some of the things I’ve learned:

1) I have a connection with Poetry. I’ve written poems since I was little, but last month made me realize that I would love to introduce myself to the publishing world through them. So, as I mentioned before, I’m going to submit poems to writing magazines. Wish me luck!

2) I need to buy a new pair of runners. I walk a lot and I love it, but that also means I go through runners a little more often than I would want. I’ve done the whole investing into a good pair, but they still get worn out, so no more (my wallet thanks me for this).

3) Robert Downey Jr is having a baby girl, which crushes any hopes of me marrying him (you know, because before I totally had a chance). Still, I’m happy for him and his wife 😀

4) Drivers on a rush annoy me. If you’re on a rush, then next time get up early. But, I hate it when it’s my turn to cross and the guy is too eager to turn around the curve that I feel s/he is about to run me over. Just wait a few seconds, it’s better than spending the rest of your life rotting in jail.

5) I still love Netflix. I’m currently watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!

6) Going to the library pays off. If you have a library card, you can get access to Hoopla, which is kind of like a discount Netflix. It’s free and you can find movies to borrow online! You get 10 titles per month. I love it, because I can watch Audrey Hepburn movies :). Here’s the link: https://www.hoopladigital.com/

7) I watched The Diary of Anne Frank after many years, and I have found a new hero. She was so positive in the middle of a dark time.

8) I added a new snowglobe to my collection. I love snowglobes and music boxes. When I was little I used to open my heart-shaped music box whenever I felt sad. My grandma used to have one, too. I guess they’re sentimental values to me.

9) My birthday is approaching and it’s a bit bittersweet for me. It was on my 20th birthday when I last spoke to my grandma; she had a stroke two days later. It’s been almost 7 years and it still feels like yesterday. My birthday is on August 30th, and I’m turning 27.

10) Only 40 days until my trip to South America :), which means I’ll be posting A LOT.

11) I need to get a new planner. I use my ipod to make notes, but sometimes technology is not on my side, so from now on, I would like to organize my activities on solid paper.

12) I love Rose and Red wine. I’m not a drinker, but I do like to indulge in a glass of wine once in a while. Funny enough, Rose has more effect on me than Red. Weird, eh?

I suggest dedicating a month to yourself, it really helps. Most of my life, I’ve done things for others, but I don’t always focus on myself. It doesn’t mean you have to be selfish, it just means you should focus on doing more things for yourself. Perhaps, treat yourself to a spa day, or finishing your novel, etc. I haven’t touched mine during this month, but I’m going back to working on it.

Remember, you have to be happy with yourself before you can help others to be happy.

 

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❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤