A to Z challenge letter: J
I have talked about what ‘home’ is, what is inspirational, what is good about this life. Today, I want to remind you that you should find joy in the simplest things, and you should not feel guilty if you find joy during a grieving process. I have talked about the passing of my maternal grandparents, which was very hard for me because I grew up alongside them; they were my second parents. They taught me form a very young age that you should always find the positive in every negative moment in your life. Up until the day before my grandma passed away, I thought I was going to be fine. After she received her angel wings, I felt I was never going to be happy again. I tried so hard to keep busy (with college) and found fun things to do in order to distract myself, but I felt guilty every time I smiled. I thought I had to be depressed, I had to curl up in a ball and cry in a corner. The reason I felt happy was because I remember all the good memories I had with my grandma and everything she taught me. I honestly thought she was going to be upset from above (or wherever Heaven is) if I didn’t cry. What kind of a granddaughter would I be if I didn’t grieve the way I thought was the norm? Everybody grieves differently and I’ve learned that. Just because you smile doesn’t mean you are happy the person you loved passed away. On the contrary, it shows what a great legacy this person has left for you to continue, and how much inspiration this person brought you. Of course, there are always psychos out there who do smile because they’re happy they passed, but you never know what’s going on in other peoples’ lives. I miss my grandma, but I smile everytime I think about her. I still cry when I talk about her, because heck I miss her!!! But, it isn’t like before. It is true that it does get better, but you never fully heal from a loss. It is the JOY they brought you that helps you carry on. So, do not feel guilty, only YOU know why joy is in your life.
❤ ❤ ❤ Love, Ellie ❤ ❤ ❤