There’s a bathroom out there that has a weird obsession with me…

My phone signal, how do I say this? Hmm, well…it SUCKS! There. I don’t get the best reception where I work, unless I step outside (I know, right? Where do I work, a mine?) or, go in the BATHROOM. “What the heck? Change providers, then!” Yes, I know. I’ve heard it before. But, I did get an awesome deal with this one! (it is a well known provider, not some weird cell phone company in the depths of hell). Anyway, when I’m in the bathroom, I get a good signal if I stand in the corner (I guess it’s some weird fetish the bathroom has). At least, enough to receive and send messages. There are times when I have to hold up my cell as high as possible, and even then, I can only get a bit of a signal. It wouldn’t be such a pain, if it weren’t for the fact I’m a hobbit. It is funny at times, but now it’s gotten to the point, where my only option (if I don’t want to leave my workplace) is to stay in the bathroom if I want a signal!

I really think this bathroom has cast a spell on me. Just the other day, I brought my charger, but could not find an empty outlet anywhere! And once I did, the charger cable wasn’t long enough. So, guess what? I went to grab my portable charger, and of course, I realized I forgot to charge it (first world problems?). Just when I thought my phone was doomed, I found an empty outlet…IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!! and guess where? Right next to the toilet. Seriously? Luckily, I fully trust my co-workers, but I had to go through the embarrassing task of asking them to be careful with my phone, because it was charging on top of the TOILET.

It’s not just with my phone, but every time I set foot in that bathroom, I feel the sudden urge to have a “business meeting”. And it just happens with this bathroom. Will this ever end? Why is this happening? How do I friendzone a bathroom? I feel like my cell phone needs therapy.

Of course! The world rules me today

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Special Occasions Cards

I love cards! In fact, I still keep a box of the most precious cards I’ve ever gotten! They’re cute, they’re glittery, they’re essential tools that remind you forever (unless you spill drinks or food on them), that you are loved.

Who doesn’t remember making cards in elementary school for your friends, acquaintances and ‘frenemies’. You know, because we still made get-well cards to those who stole our erasers, to the ones who picked our food even though, they had a whole banquet to themselves (is this why I loved food so much during my early teens?). I don’t remember ever being unhappy after receiving a card, unless it was written by someone I didn’t like, then I’d still find good use for them, like protecting my things from the rain. Have I overestimated the power of a good card?

Elementary school cards used to be so special, because I made them. I actually dedicated precious time (during Saturday morning cartoon commercials) into crafting beautiful masterpieces…okay, fine, I pretended I tried. Saturday morning cartoons, people!! A child’s Woodstock! But as the years went by, I noticed my cards  started to look more like an obligation ( if you didn’t see the ‘Hallmark’ logo, you knew it was bought at a dollar store). The text was printed, BUT I would still write on them. I thought it would show I took the time to think about them by writing a heartfelt message, “Happy Birthday! Take Care!” Man, did I ever make them cry whenever they read them! Now, it wasn’t always me who wrote these type of cards. I’ve also gotten my fair share of lazy-written-bad-karma-ridden cards:

“I’ve known you for so long!” – Really?

“Happy BDAY” – Woah! You ALMOST wrote the entire word! That’s gotta make me feel special!

“We’ve been BBFs for so long!” – I would’ve never guessed.

“You deserve to have an awesome time on this day!” – Just on this day? That’s it?

As I grew and became a beautiful, wonderful, talented, passionate, amazing, smart, person (wink), and cards became electronic (the trees and Ents rejoiced that day), it occurred to me that perhaps I should make an effort and show my loved ones they are worth taking time for. No, e-cards aren’t bad at all (and are great when you live far from your loved ones), but why not at least try to send both, or at least to the ones who live close to you? You don’t even have to buy expensive paper. You can recycle a magazine, make a collage and write on it.

Let’s face it, one day our speech will fail us, and we’ll be only able to write. Even our ability to write might fail us. Wouldn’t it be great to really leave an imprint of yourself on a card?

I still have cards from when I was little, and while those past friends don’t know I still have them, rest assure my future generations will be witness to how those old memories have been imprinted on these cards, and how at that point in my life, made me feel like a special occasion.

Of course! I do rule the world today 🙂

Brain Tantrums: Like a brain fart, but uncontrollable – Part One (because I’m sure there will be more)

Brain Farts, we’ve all had them. In my case, when that happens, I find to be more apologetic than ashamed. Yes, I’m still ashamed, but I find that quite often, I acknowledge my error, learn from it, and move on…that is until my brain decides to throw a Brain Tantrum. Now, this is where it gets uncontrollable. Why? Because, as much as I would like to move on from this (mind you, already forgiven) error, my brain finds the need to constantly remind me of it, to be point where I feel below any failure. Am I confusing this with guilt? Not at all. I feel sorry, but not guilty. I JUST want to move on from this error, and turn it into a learning experience. I want to bury it and do a penguin dance over it. But, no way! My brain will never let me move on. Instead, it pounds on my head, until it gets what it wants. It wants to see me (or feel me, I guess), curled up in a ball, rocking back and a forth, in a dark and spider-web-infested corner, until there is nothing left in my soul, but a catastrophe of shame.

Wait for it! Just when I think my brain has cooled off, after a time-out (meaning no LOTR, Harry Potter, Glee, or a marathon of the tv series Charmed), it digs deeper until it finds the weakest point…NOSTALGIA.

Why would my brain do this? It went from a brain tantrum to a brain masochist. I’m sure I’m not the only one, whose brain decides to play this error scenario, over and over, until one loses 98% of a good night’s sleep. Fine, make that 99.9%. And just when you thought you had finally fallen asleep, it wakes you up, ten minutes before you alarm goes off, and reminds you of the worst times of your life. Remember that song you used to listen to with your grandparents, friends, family? Oh yes, it will play in your head until tears pour down and soak your bed. Then, because this happens while you are still half asleep, you’ll wake up thinking you wet your bed. But, you’ll notice it was simply the mark of anguish left by your brain (as if a girl sleeping during her period wasn’t disgusting enough).

Oh dear brain, please stop reminding me of the dreadful experiences in my life. What happened, to “leaving the past behind”? Has this turned into, “leaving the past behind, until your brain turns around and shoves it in your face”?

Of course! The world still rules me…but with I will avenge with happy thoughts 😀

 

 

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.

Robert Downey Jr – Greatest Actor and Human Being (after me…;) )

This post is mainly a break from the world. Because, whenever I need a break from reality, I dream about Robert Downey Jr sending me a birthday message! I hope to meet him one day, and if I ever do, let this post be proof that I AM his biggest fan :D. I hope one day I do meet him.

Of course! Iron Man rules the world 🙂

Icy Roads, Icy Sidewalks – Ice Sheets of DOOM

Canada and parts of the U.S. are under an ice Apocalypse! Yes, I get it. It IS cold, but seriously, this is WINTER. Winter=cold. Winter is awesome! Are you telling me you don’t like it when, your furnace breaks and you have to sleep without heat for one night, and it is -14 C outside? Or seeing cars coming to life and putting on an ice skating show on the roads? It is free to watch. It’s like Survivor, but with clothing and more betrayal. Oh, and the BEST PART, when the temperature rises, it rains, and then Mother Nature decides to PMS on us and makes the temperature drop again, thus gifting us with free ice rinks for us to enjoy. You know, because in Canada, we don’t have enough ice rinks ;). Oh and that’s not all. Mother Nature gives you the silent treatment, and you are oblivious to what is happening out there. Yes, sure, you can always use common sense, but that isn’t useful when pre-menopausal Nature strikes at random times.

Earthlings: Let’s pour salt!

Mother Nature: Sure, but I’ll freeze it before it fully melts!

Earthlings: We’ll use machines. We’ll shovel!

Mother Nature: Freezing Rain!

Earthlings: At least send us a fresh coat of a 5 cm snowfall!

Mother Nature: 50 cm you say?

Earthlings: You suck

Mother Nature: Wind Chill Warning. High Speed Wind Warning!

Of course! The world still rules me.

PS: I wonder what penguins think about this? “Human World Problems”?

photo (1)

 

 

 

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.

Totally owned by spiders

Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. Have you started to shiver, yet? Has a total commotion unravelled in your brain, with thoughts of the many hours/years you spend TRYING to get rid of them? Oh, the goosebumps! You’d think that with the years, my fear of spiders would disappear…WRONG. Yes, I am wiser (or so, I tell myself every time I wake up, in fear of feeling like a total failure), but I am still a spider coward.

Do you know how many spiders have I encountered? STOP now. If you fear spiders the way I do, you know that was a trick question. Who in the world has time to count spiders when you look at them? My first reaction is to find high or low ground, or to move (the let’s-populate-mars-with-humans project sounds good just about now, doesn’t it?). Then, I ask myself one question, “Is this spider big enough to throw a fit and panic?” The answer is always a yes. A spider is always of unnatural size. “Baby” spider? Yea, right. My brain only sees it as the size bigger than TrES-4. So, I go through various time-consuming steps:

For the sake of this example, I’ll name this imaginary (wish they were all imaginary) spider, Grain. Yes, I do tend to name spiders, and don’t ask me why, because I don’t know. Let’s pretend Grain decides to arrive right before bedtime:

Step One: I check to make sure Grain is still there. I stare for 80 minutes. You know, because that will somehow help my fear…

Step Two:  Grain is  moving its legs! Creepy. Nauseating.

Step Three: I’m starting to get fond of Grain! Is this some spider spell?

Step Four: There is no way I’m getting sleep tonight. It’s building  a web!!!!!!!!

Step Five: Grain is doing this on purpose! Time to get the broom!

Step Six: I’ve been standing for 120 minutes trying to figure out how to squish it, without getting too close. I notice the end of the broom isn’t big enough to squish it. Bah! I’ll use my shoe.

Step Seven: Which shoe do I use? I don’t want to leave a mark on them.

Step Eight: 1 hour and I couldn’t find a proper shoe to use for this occasion. Why is Grain still here, anyway? It’s been so long! I bet Grain knows I’m afraid and is laughing at me from that corner.

Step Nine: A book, a towel, a paper, box, I don’t want to use any of those things. It’d mean I’d get too close! I’m hungry and sleepy. I’ll grab some old flip-flop. Great! I moved and Grain moved! Forget the flip-flop.

Step Ten: I’ll get the vacuum and release Grain into the front yard. Well, not really, but I don’t want Grain to read those thoughts.

Step Eleven: Vacuum, check! My soul, check! This is it! I will be able to take a quick nap before my alarm wakes me up!

Step Twelve: Where’s Grain?

Of course! The world still rules me.

 

 

 

© Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to  Ellie and My name is Ellie and this is who I am, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. In addition, ‘Shares’ on social media may be used, providing full and clear link/credit is added.